No Food, No New Years, But YES to New Clothes!

Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you all enjoyed the day! Also hope that everyone is looking forward to NYE if you do indeed celebrate it. I haven't done anything for it since I was 17... and that was probably the only year I had any sort of "adult" NYE celebration anyway... so I'll be spending yet another year doing nothing. lol. Such is the life of a parent I suppose...

Anyway, I've moved a little bit lower, though not much. 84.7kg. Weight loss seems to have stalled, but again, I don't care too much right now. It'll be good to just "sit" at a weight for a little while I think. Though, it is a little annoying when people keep asking, "how much have you lost now," and the number remains the same. TBH, I wish they'd just not ask... if they asked every month or so it'd be fine, but it seems to be every time I see them (so once a week basically). Obviously the numbers have slowed now... I can eat more than I could previously, and my body is getting closer to a normal weight, so it's not as eager to lose as it was earlier on.

I said I'd let you know what I had for Christmas, so here's what I ate as my sit-down meal:
*Half a turkey meatball
*A small bit of pork crackling
*About 1 bite of roast pork with gravy
*Attempted to chew up some roast beef, but I knew if I swallowed it, I'd spew or be really uncomfortable, so spat it out.

That's seriously all I had. Disappointing, considering the amount of time it took to prepare and then cook everything... I am really hoping that in a few years time I can at least manage a toddler portion. Cooking has become so less enjoyable now, since I can't really eat what I cook. It doesn't seem worth it when I can only have a few mouthfuls...

As I've said before, I prepared to eat less, but some days it irritates me just how little I can eat... when you cook a Christmas meal, you kind of hope to at least get a bite of everything... which is what I had thought was a realistic expectation. I think it depends on the day though - I think another day I could have probably managed to do that... but for some reason my tummy was just not cooperating on Christmas Day.

Oh well, I have leftovers in my freezer and will be able to try everything soon enough.

I guess it's time for some progress pics... someone requested some pics the other day, and I wasn't going to post them here, but I was impressed with my curves in the photo, so I wanted to share...

The before and "now" shot

That was Boxing Day I think. I also have some other pics to share... just taken today. I wanted to try on my new "uniform," for beauty school to see how it looks. I've got to wear black, and while I'm not certain, I think I'm not supposed to reveal much cleavage or any armpit... basically modestly dressed really. This is all going from my previous beauty courses, but I figure it's better to be safe. Given I've become too small for most of my clothes, I had to go pick up some black items... I'll use the shorts in the pic above, but also grabbed a $20 knit top from Portmans, and a skirt that is JUST not too big from City Chic for $20. Definitely good buys... I never end up spending so little. So here are my progress pics in those clothes...

Btw, my towels aren't always like that, I pushed them over to the side so I didn't blend in with them! lol.

Speaking of clothes, I used some Christmas money to go shopping and get some new clothes from Hell Bunny. I found a great store for them, and I'll link you: http://emeraldswamp.com.au/

It's cheaper than a lot of places, and has a few Hell Bunny items I've not seem before - including a lovely GREEN dress (which I ordered). Actually, I just had a look - I got them on sale, but the sale is now over. YAY! Well, yay that I got in while the sale was on... not yay that it's no longer on. lol.

I'll definitely update when I get them, they've been sent now so I'll hopefully see them in not too much longer. They're being delivered via courier though, so might be a bit longer than usual. Say to expect from about 4th...

ANYWAY... hope everyone had a great Christmas and enjoy any holidays you get off from here on out. 

Eating Out, Eating with Others and Eating at Christmas...

85kg today.

I seem to be stuck at this weight, and can't get BELOW it. Not that I've tried especially hard, so I'm not too bothered right now. 85kg is awesome, and so now I've lost over 22kg.

Not much has happened sleeve-wise... it seems to kinda not matter so much at this stage post-op. The only thing that is really different than everyone elses life, is that I can eat a lot less food, and sometimes that can be a pain in the rear. It's GOOD because it means less chance of gaining weight, but it can also be kind of embarrassing at times, especially when people you're eating with don't understand why you're eating next to nothing (when previously, you'd have eaten all your meal and then want more).

Last week I went shopping with DD, with intentions to see a movie and get a Santa photo. DD wanted lunch, as it was around lunch-time, but instead of the usual food court offerings, she wanted to eat at a cafe. The only real option was The Coffee Club, and so I agreed, reluctantly. I enjoy cafe foods, generally, but I hadn't attempted a cafe meal since my sleeve, so was worried about what I could eat.

In the end, I chose perhaps the cheapest savoury offering I could, and went with some bruschetta. It was topped with a tomato/red onion combo, on toasted turkish bread, with a pesto base. Yum!

It came out in 4 slices... I ate only 1 (well, less than 1 actually). For $11. (there were also a plate of chips for cheaper, but I don't really enjoy hot chips these days) *sigh* I guess wasting food is going to be something I should get used to.

This is the deliciousness that I just couldn't eat.

I gave one triangle to DD, who also had her own meal. I had suggested we share a meal, but she declined, declaring she'd definitely eat all of her food on her own and there wouldn't be any left for me.

I felt really bad leaving that food on the plate, so wrote a note on my serviette, which I left on my plate. It said something about me enjoying the meal, but having had stomach surgery I was just physically unable to eat more. I don't suspect the chef was that bothered - it's unlikely to be some amazing creation of his/her own and rather just a recipe they MUST follow... but I still felt like someone had prepared this for me and they might wonder what was wrong with it. A normal person could have eaten it all, so I offered and explanation regardless.

I also attended a family get-together recently and had to eat a sit-down meal with other people who don't know about my surgery. I had no real issues with them knowing about my sleeve, but my grandparents particularly wouldn't understand and I was worried they'd notice the pitiful amount I was eating and comment, and make me feel awkward. Luckily, probably due to seating (I was on the end, so not surrounded by others), they didn't notice and said nothing. It didn't stop me from stressing the whole way to the get-together though... I kept trying to decide whether I should load my plate up and just eat hardly any of it, or just start with nothing on it to begin with. In the end, I decided on the latter to at least not waste food.

I had about 1/2 a roast chicken thigh, a teaspoon of peas/corn (mixed, not a teaspoon each), a teaspoon of roast potato and two prawns. I'm expecting I'll only be able to eat about this much on Christmas Day as well... but despite this, I have decided to cook quite a lot of food, for variety. Any leftovers, I'll portion up and freeze, so I can enjoy them at later stages. I think a bit of roast beef, for example, will go down well as a protein-heavy lunch meal... so I'm happy that I won't be wasting anything.

I'll definitely share what I managed to eat on Christmas Day after Sunday sometime... I am expecting it to be very little indeed, though I am hoping to get at least a bite of each meat I have on offer... and maybe a mouthful of salad. I'll have...

A large ham

Herb-marinated Roast Beef and Red Wine Jus

Roast Pork with Apple Gravy

Turkey Meatballs with Red Currant Dipping Sauce

Cold Prawns

2 Salad varieties (not sure what yet)

Home-baked dinner rolls

Cheesecake for dessert

This is only for 4 people too... lol. Still, as I said, I wanted variety.



I think that if I manage a mouthful of eat, I'll be very lucky indeed!

Carb-Induced Loss, Blood Pressure Changes and Top Report Card!

So, my weight went up for a while... as it seems to do a lot lately. It gets to a lower number, then the next day, it's up again... and remains up, until eventually it gets even lower again... I dunno why. So, today, I'm 86.5kg. I was up at about 87kg for most of the week, even after getting to 86.8kg previously. It's not much anyway, so I really shouldn't even think about it.

Anyway, you know how my mantra has been "eat more, lose more?" Well, I've been thinking that was mostly about more PROTEIN... eat more PROTEIN, lose more weight. Yesterday proved otherwise though. Yesterday, I was hungry all day long. Not ravenous, but hungry enough to want to eat the entire day. The ENTIRE day I ate. Not much, because you can't eat much as a sleever... but I still ate a lot more than usual, and given it's the end of a shopping fortnight and I'm broke, it's been raining and I can't drive, I've lacked the ability to go get more food... so I've been carbing it up. I had some protein yesterday, sure, but I'd say majority of my food intake was carb-heavy.

Still, I ate so much, and I lost. I finally got below that 87kg that has been annoying me each day on the scales... from eating lots, and eating carbs. WTF? I might test this out again in future, and see if eating MORE, even if it's carby foods, helps... or if it was just a once-off.

I also recieved a compliment today - someone said I had lost HEAPS. She saw me a few weeks post-op when I had her daughter over for a sleepover. I saw her at the school's Christmas Party (for the Preps) today, and she was all, "Wow, look at you! You've lost HEAPS!" It felt really good. She knows what I've had done - I kept it no secret. I feel really bad not telling people when they mention weight loss, particularly if they're not skinny and are perhaps looking to lose weight themselves. I don't want to pretend like I've figured out the magical way to break the binging habit, or spend my whole life in a gym since last I saw them... so I tell them the truth. I think it really has both pros and cons - people tend to be less willing to congratulate you on your loss if you've had surgery, as if you don't deserve it because you did it "the easy way," or something. Luckily some people are just positive regardless.

Did I mention my change in blood pressure yet? If not...

You know how previously it had been as high as 200/120? Well, last time I checked (about a week ago now) it was 160/85. Still high-ish... but SO MUCH lower than it has been. I'm no longer a heart-attack waiting to happen. I'm so very happy with that. I'll have blood tests done soon enough to check everything else, so I'll let you know if my cholesterol has gone down (because that was an issue pre-sleeve) and also let you know if the sleeve has caused anything negative to happen too. That won't be until January sometime.

And just for a little brag - I got my daughter's report card back today... all As. I didn't even know they did that system for such young children, but it appears they do... and mine got all As. It's probably not that hard to get an A in Prep, but I don't care, I'm still gonna brag. lol.

Old Clothes, Imaginary Pregnancy and Measurements Lost

Have been feeling less than average lately, and thought I might be pregnant. First test was negative. Second test had a faint 2nd line. Third test was negative. So I'm going with negative. My period is 8-9 days late now though, so I'll have to head to the doctor if it doesn't show up soon, just to see what's going on.

It was rather worrying thinknig I was pregnant - I've spent the past few days thinking about what I'd do, how a baby could possibly fit into our lives at this point in time, etc. I also worried about the sleeve and how that'd change things - I want to make sure I don't make myself high risk if possible. I want to birth at home, and I don't want to be ordered to do a billion and one things just because I've had the sleeve... so would rather wait to fall pregnant until at least a year after I was sleeved. I also don't know how I'd manage pregnant eating with a restrictive sleeve. lol.

Anyway, yesterday I needed clothes to wear, but had been slack with the washing and didn't have much to choose from. I decided to go through a pile of old clothes at the top of my wardrobe and see how they fit. I don't actually LIKE these old clothes - they're all ugly, lol - but I still wanted to see how they fit on me. Everything I tried on fit, or was even a little baggy.

I even tried on this dress I've never worn  (a stretchy size 14) to see how it'd do. It's a bit too clingy for my liking, but it still looked better on then it would have pre-sleeve, so I took some photos to celebrate the moment. I'm wearing shapewear underneath to firm up all my flabby bits (mostly belly), but hte shapewear creates an obvious dent in my side, in the legholes. Anyway, you'll notice it in the photo, I'm just explaining what that is.

Again, apologies for my messy mirror. I never realise just how bad it is until I take a photo... lol.

I think the dress might look okay with some different shapewear that doesn't do that weird leg thing, and also with a few extra kg lost. I don't really think I'd wear it though - it's a little short for my liking (I like things to cover my unattractive knees).

This morning I decided to take some measurements to see how far I've come too...

So today I am...

Bust: 106cm

Under Bust: 91.5cm

Waist: 86cm

Hips: 111cm

So it seems my waist measurement is about the same as my weight in kg - though I'm actually 86.8kg at the moment, not a flat 86kg. I wonder if it was that way all along? My waist and weight being the same number (or close)? I might have a look... nope, it hasn't been. lol.

Anyway, my losses on those above body parts so far...

Bust - 14.5cm

Under Bust - 8.5cm

Waist - 15.5cm

Hips - 14.5cm

I'm pretty happy with those kinds of results...

Not much else to add really... just thought I'd update.



Hospital Crapfest, Angry Anti-Sleeve Article and More Progress Shots (in Undies! lol)

It's been a slow week... but as usual, "eat more, lose more," seems to be something I need to remember. I ate more on Friday/Saturday when I stayed at the children's hospital with my daughter (she got her tonsils/adenoids out - poor thing is a bit miserable at the moment), but it was the wrong kind of more. I carried two tins of tuna with me, but after eating the first, I realised how stinky I'd made the place, so left the other tin alone. It then meant I had to rely upon the food I could purchase at the children's hospital, or at the foodcourt at the women's hospital if I was willing to walk the distance. My options were heavily limited - it seemed I could choose from deep-fried garbage, packets of chips, gigantic muffins (cake) or sandwiches. Drinks were pretty much coke, coffee or water, with juice and iced tea thrown in if I was lucky. I mostly had iced-tea, sandwiches and a packet of chips while I was there. The women's hospital offered a Subway, but I'm not keen to give that a go just yet, and it's really just an overpriced, very bready sandwich anyway... I'd rather get a regular sandwich in that case.

Anyway, it still meant a loss. I was expecting to gain a little, with all those carbs... but nope. I've lost about 500g while I stayed in the hospital. I'm happy enough with that, and also pleased that it probably means me eating a sandwich is not a big deal. The sandwiches I had (I had about 2 full sandwiches over 24 hours, plus a small bag of chips and a tin of tuna) were cheese and tomato, and then ham, tomato and lettuce. The cheese was making me feel a little ill, so I specifically chose a cheese-free option 2nd time round. I've found that dairy, in general, can bother me a little lately. Not so much in the tummy, just... in the throat? I end up feeling rather mucousy and I'm just not a fan. Still, it depends on the type and the time. Some days I'm fine with cheese. Cheese slices are the worst though.

Beside the whole dairy thing, I think the point here is to eat more. If I eat more, I lose more. I can eat about 1/2 a sandwich in a sitting, so I might try that from now on if I'm feeling like I can't get much in, since it doesn't seem to stop weight loss. That's where I'm having issues, because it seems like such a pain to prepare something I can eat... I can't eat much, so cooking seems like a waste of time, and some things just don't go down as comfortably as others... so I've got to find things I can eat easily, without cooking... that go down well... and that I can make in little portions to grab whenever I feel like eating, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time or food.

Oh, my weight - it's 87.4kg this morning. It stalled for a while, and only started when I went into hte hospital on Friday. 200g short of a 20kg loss overall!

Apart from all of that, I was annoyed to see a rather anti-sleeve article on a news website: Click here to read the story.

It appears to be mostly suggesting that the sleeve is incredibly dangerous, a bad idea, and that gastric banding is an excellent option for people needing WLS. My problem with this is that it fails to mention those bandits who have had lots of trouble with their band. There are MANY MANY out there - it's why I chose the sleeve over the band. Those with the sleeve have mostly been impressed with it... whereas if you google the lap-band, there are numerous complaints. Even those with adequate weight loss complain that they find the whole experience miserable.

It also fails to mention the fact that while reversibility is a positive for some people, it can mean that weight is so easily regained again, and all that time and effort wasted. If I had a band and had it removed - I no longer feel full from eating tiny amounts and thus eat as per usual, and probably regain again. It's a problem a lot of bandits face. Not to mention issues with slipping, or needing it to be adjusted all the damn time.

Now I'm not condemning the band, but it seems unfair to advertise it as a hero of a product, while the sleeve is an evil procedure that will quite possibly end in severe complications. Fact is, the sleeve hasn't been around long enough to tell what the long-term issues may be, but so far, the risks of a sleeve seem to be leaking - something that can lead to death, yes, and would be horrible to go through - but it's not at all as common as is made out in the article.

I posted a comment on there too - you can probably figure out which one I am if you go have a read, but I'm happy to see some other sleevers attempting to clear up some misinformation. Some people are disappointing though - saying they're losing weight "the hard way," as if life with a sleeve is as easy as pie. Others saying things that suggest they're not actually sure what the sleeve is even about - perhaps they're thinking of other WLS methods when constructing their responses, or perhaps they just know nothing about WLS and are just taking uneducated guesses.

Regardless, I'm annoyed that there's an anti-sleeve article on a major news website. Apart from the fact that I'm not sure what the point of the article is, other than to point out the sleeve exists (so what?), we sleevers do not need this kind of negativity aimed at us or the procedure we've chosen to have. For many of us, the choice to remove the majority of our stomachs was not an easy one, but it's something we've chosen as we cannot trust ourselves to lose (and then maintain - because I've found losing a lot easier than maintaining in the past!) the weight completely on our own, using our own shonky will-power... and so when the options seem to be a life of eternal obesity or WLS, it seems to make sense to choose the WLS.

Both come with their risks... with the sleeve there was a small risk of death during the procedure, or of a leak afterwards that could end in death (rarely). With obesity, there was a risk of a number of health problems, all of which I felt were more likely a REAL risk than the risk of surgery. Given that my blood pressure has dropped, and I'm no longer a heart attack waiting to happen at 25, I think I've made the right choice. The sleeve VS early, obesity-related death - when you think about it that way, it seems clear why I've made this decision.

They also discuss risks - but there are benefits to the surgery too, as there is with most forms of weight loss. The BENEFIT of this surgery, for me thus far, has been my self-confidence growing. I am not nearly as paranoid and insecure as I was prior to surgery. I'll also take this as an opportunity to say that I have no had any medication for over a month now. Previously, I was on anti-depressants for depression and very severe anxiety, which seemed to be closely related to my body image. I simply do not NEED my medication right now. Previous attempts to wean have failed with me returning to my highly anxious, stressed-out, emotional state... but I am like a normal person again. It's very freeing.

My feet hurt a lot less too. I can walk for lengthy periods without feeling that my feet are about to fall off. My blood pressure has dropped. My food intake is probably a lot healthier than previously too - I have had some crap, but in all honesty, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it used to, and is thus not a temptation anymore. I'd rather have half a sandwich or a single sushi roll if in a foodcourt, than a large Maccas meal, for example. I've tasted McDonalds since my op, and it's just not tasty, nor does it feel nice going down. For that reason, I avoid it. Prior to my surgery, I had LOTS of coke. I'd easily go through 2L in 2 days (or less). I now have none. Okay, I had about 1/4 cup over 2 hours a few weeks ago to give it a go. That's it.

In January I'll have a full set of bloods done too - so let's see if it's had any impact on my cholesterol, which was an issue prior to the surgery.

See, I don't think that the sleeve needs to be glamourised and advertised, but I don't think it needs to be made out to be some horribly irresponsible, extremely dangerous thing to do either. I think a bit of fair, fact-based journalism isn't too much to ask for. Reading that poorly-written, short article made me think that the newspaper it was written for should hire me instead - I could provide them with something of more substance and factual information than that load of fluffy nonsense.

Perhaps places like that should link to me. Only I'm private. Whatever. I might go unprivate again. I think I'm mentally able to cop a bit of crap now than I was previously... and maybe someone will come across the blog and see what it's REALLY like living with a sleeve...

... I just decided to add some progress shots. This is after I published the previous already... so I've editted to bring you these...

Just a warning that I'm wearing undies. Why? Well, I don't have clothes tight enough to show my weight loss anymore. That skirt that I've been wearing in all my progress pics is being worn on my hips, and is loose even there... and the tops are baggy around the middle (not the boobs... lol). Please also be warned that my undies are not special and do not match. I just stripped off so these are the undies I'm wearing today - hence them not being sexy or exciting. If I had planned better, I'd be wearing nicer undies and a pair that matched... lol.

Anyway...

I'm holding my arm funny in the side-on shot because otherwise you can't see my back (as where my arm naturally hangs covers some of my back up)...

So you can see I'm not skinny by any means, but if you go pages and pages back, you'll see other shots of me in underwear, and even my "before" shots clothed, and hopefully can notice some small difference. I think there's a difference there anyway. I've still got a bum and boobs, my thighs are still fleshy and my belly is still ugly and jiggly and covered in stretchmarks, but I'm much happier with it all regardless.

Apologies for neglecting my blog...

Firstly, I'm sorry for neglecting my blog... I haven't lost that much weight recently so progress pics and info seemed rather pointless... plus I've switched computers so this one has none of my stuff on it (I'll be transfering it soon, but it's just not done yet).
Secondly... I'm now 87.9kg. So losing, but losing more slowly than previously. I think it's natural now that I've started back onto regular foods... I'm also not nearly as pedantic about carbs as I should be, but I'm figuring that I'm eating jack all anyway, I don't care if some of it is less-than-fantastic. Mostly, that's drinks. I limit carbs elsewhere, but I drink juice and full-sugar cordial. I am sick of the diet stuff... and I like juice. So I'm drinking it. I've given up most junk foods (sushi is about all I can manage tbh), so I see it as reasonable enough. For now, anyway.

Food is annoying me lately... I'm finding it really hard to get much in and it's just giving me the shit. Seriously, I knew that I'd be eating only small amounts, but sometimes it's just ridiculous. Like ONE SINGLE BITE of something and I'm stuffed. I expected toddler-sized portions... not ONE SINGLE BITE portions. It's only lately though... so I'm trying not to get too shirty about it. I'm also thinking I'm just not eating enough in general... so perhaps I need to start aiming for a little more. Yesterday my food intake consisted of half a 1-egg omelette and ONE BITE (yes, I know, I just have to emphasise how crazy that is!) of lasagne (homemade - and I avoided the pasta, so at mostly meat). Eating half an egg, and 1 bite of mostly meat in tomato sauce is annoying. So here you go potential sleevers - this could be your downside. I know other sleevers who have been through this and come out the other side, happy again, so I'm just waiting until it's mine turn to either eat more or simply not care anymore.

I really need more foods to eat during the day in the house too. I've decided LOW FAT cheese (with some cruskits/crackers/etc for crunch), LOW FAT yoghurt and some tins of tuna are probably good protein options. They also come in good portion sizes - and some brands of yoghurt offer small tubs with proper lids so I can have half and go back for more later if need be. That's where my downfall is... I have issues finding small portions for myself during the day, so I just don't eat... and then I think my body goes, "WTF?!" and clings to every ounce of fat/sugar/etc it consumes to make sure I don't die. So I really need to sort my shit out and eat more. Who'd have thought that eating more would ever be an issue for me? I find it really strange, and totally sympathise with those who want to gain weight but cannot seem to eat enough to do it.

SIL and her little family still don't know about my surgery. MIL is calling it "a diet," and while I don't know if SIL has NOTICED my weight loss (it's nearly 20kg gone so I kinda hope she has noticed some small change!), I know she knows I've lost weight as MIL's mother (so DP's grandmother) asked how much I've lost now (she believes I'm on a diet too - I have no issues if she found out about my surgery, but MIL thinks she might let slip to SIL...) and I answered right in front of SIL, who was paying attention... so she does know I've lost a fair bit. She said NOTHING though when this was mentioned... which bothered me a little.

She actually told me I should have my tonsils out to lose weight! We had been discussing tonsils being removed as my daughter will have hers out this Friday (adenoids as well), and both of SILs kids have had it done already. Apparently her little boy refused to eat afterwards and lost 3kg in a week or so. I found a little bit insulting that she decided to tell me I should get it done to lose weight - it made me feel like not only did she think I was fat and in desperate need to lose weight, but also perhaps that my loss to date has not made a difference to my appearance in her eyes, and that an extra 3kg is needed.

Okay, so maybe it was just a light-hearted comment, but considering it was from SIL, who is a bitch, I didn't take it so well. It's not like I reacted or anything, it just got to me. I guess sometimes fat people have people they want to do a big "screw you!" to when they lose weight... to show up those people who treat them like crap, in part because of their weight. SIL is one of those people for me... so it does bother me when she fails to notice or acknowledge there's a difference, especially when she's told I've lost X amount. Usually, if someone said that and I was there, I'd say, "Wow! Congratulations!" Not just sit silently. She's not fat herself, nowhere near, so it's not as if she's the jealous fellow fatty who doesn't say anything because she's feeling bad it's not her who's lost the weight! She has no excuse. Other than being a generally nasty person.

I'll be having my driving test soon too... and then hopefully my car will come soon after. I need it before Feb anyway as that's when I start my course.

The 80s, Progress Pics and Christmas Dinner...

Before I begin, I am very happy to announce that I am NOW IN THE 80s! 89.7kg now, which is 17.5kg in weight lost! I'm very happy indeed.

Also, some update photos...

So that's my week 9 post-op photos! I think I'm smaller still in these photos, and a bit curvier too. I'm going to have to stop wearing these clothes for progress pics though - the shirt is too baggy, and I have to pull it tight to show my body, and the skirt, a waist-skirt, is being worn low on my hips. It's the only way it fits.

People have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and it's really weird. They always comment, then ask how I did it. It's here in the conversation that I'm stuck... because I'd feel wrong to lie and give them false hope that amazing new diet has worked wonders on me... but then when I confess the truth (that I had surgery), they sort of respond with this unimpressed, "oh," and it's as if any compliments they just gave me are taken back because I didn't "work" for it like they thought I had.

It's uncomfortable, as I do think there is work involved, it's just different to the kind you'd do if you were losing weight without surgery. I find it's far more mental this way, not being able to eat much at all. It's like chucking a smoker on an island without cigarettes. They're FORCED to quit, but it's still not easy. They still go through all the difficulties of giving up. It's like that with the sleeve - you're FORCED to eat less, but it's still a real struggle at times. There are moments when I just want to binge, or just want to eat something that I simply cannot stomach well. I can either attempt it, feel incredibly ill, and then throw up... or just sit there feeling strange because I can't do what I'd normally do in a diet - and just say, "Stuff it," and eat whatever I want for that moment anyway.

It's also hard to physically eat. Some things just do not go down well. I also have to eat SLOWLY... and that's really hard. It sounds so easy, but I'm so used to just eating without thinking, that I have to actively think about every bite I put in my mouth, chew it up really well... then swallow and wait a while until my next bite. It's that, or discomfort and perhaps vomiting. Same with drinking - I cannot drink during a meal, and I find that really hard. I ALWAYS have a drink on me, and sometimes food seems to get a bit stuck... and usually, that's when I'd grab a glass and have a drink to push it down. That doesn't work now though - instead, that leads to discomfort, drooling up metallic saliva, and then throwing up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the sleeve is HARDER than losing weight without surgery. Obviously, I don't think that because I failed to lose weight until now... so for me, surgery is working wonders. I guess it's the fact that I'm FORCED to do things that makes it hard. I have no option but to continue on with eating this way. There is no choice... and that makes it hard. I guess it's difficult to understand unless you've been there really.

In other news, I've been trying to figure out just what I'm going to serve up for Christmas. I want to enjoy my food on Christmas Day, but I've also got to consider the fact that I simply cannot eat that much. I keep wondering if I should make a whole bunch of bite-sized things... that way I can eat a little of each thing over the entire day, but others can just eat as much as they need. A sit down roast seems unappealing as I know I'd probably have a small bit of roast meat, and that's about all. I'd rather have a bit more than JUST that... meat is getting incredibly tedious.

I'm also finding that I now have a desire to snack. Just a little. Right now I have some olives, some bell peppers stuffed with cheese and some pistachios to snack on. The olives and peppers don't offer much protein, but they go down well and offer me some flavour... and I figure they're better than seeking something high in carbs. It sucks that tuna doesn't go down well for me, because that'd be a really good way to up my protein. The pistachios will do for now though I suppose.

Anyway, this is kinda all over the place... but it's just bits and pieces that I've been thinking about mentioning over the week... hopefully it holds some value to someone out there.

Some more meals...

Wanted to share some more meals so you can get an idea of portion-sizes. It really depends on what the foods are, because it seems that I can eat more of some things than of others. Regardless, here's 2 recent meals...

Spaghetti with chicken, peas, baby spinach and mushrooms in a creamy sauce...

Before

After

Tonight I had Ratatouille with Canellini Beans, and then a small portion of salmon as well (cos the salmon needed to be used up - they're not exactly a natural combination... lol).

Before

After.

So I ate all the salmon... and pretty much no ratatouille. Disappointing because it tasted lovely, I just can't fit anymore in. Will definitely freeze the leftovers though so I can have it in the days to come. Would probably be a good side-dish to some protein when I'm feeling lazy.

So this is what I can eat at 9 weeks post-op. Not much, but you can see it's pretty much normal food.

Losing PURE FAT, Throwing up amongst the herbs and trying on a size 16 in Portmans...

So my weight as of this morning: 90.6kg.

It just keeps going down and down, so I'm really quite thrilled.

Also happy with my loss is my dietician, who I saw on Wednesday. I love my dietician - seriously - I think I would pay to see her long after I stop needing her help because she always makes me feel good. She's the most positive person, and is just lovely.

One thing that she is VERY happy with is the fact that all the weight I've lost is fat. Not water, not muscle... PURE FAT! She said that's very uncommon and that it's GREAT. So every bit of weight I'd lost between my last visit and this visit (about 6 weeks in between), has been pure fat loss. My body fat percentage was previouly 46.something % and is now 41%. She said that's a huge drop as well, and is really happy with it.

I've been given the go-ahead now to try all foods as well. I have yet to attempt a steak or anything like that, and think it'll be a long while yet before I even consider it... I just don't feel ready for that kind of heavy texture just yet. I am happy to be given the okay to try normal foods though, because it means I can attempt salads, which I am very much looking forward to. Have a great goatscheese, beetroot, baby spinach, walnut and chickpea salad I'm intending to have this week... I hope it all goes down well.

Speaking of going down well - not all food does. Well, not all the time anyway. While there is a general rule not to drink 30 mins before or after meals, it seems to me that I have difficulty with foods when I don't drink BEFORE eating. If this happens, food tends to get clogged up and find it hard getting to my stomach... and it's all very uncomfortable. PREVIOUSLY if this happened, I'd chug on some sort of drink to push it down... but now if I do that... well... I spew.

Take today for example, and be warned, this is a gross story.

I had a few bites of sushi while I shopped. It equalled a bit less than 1/2 a sushi roll, so not much at all. Previously, sushi has been fine for me to eat, but I guess I didn't have enough to drink beforehand and it began to get stuck and feel uncomfortable. Dealing with a heavy trolley and a talkative child, I wasn't thinking and just took a swig of drink. BIG MISTAKE.

I was in the fruit shop, and felt the "omg I'm going to spew," feeling that you get post-op on occasion. It happens if you eat too much, eat too quickly or drink after meals. That's how it happens for me anyway. Well, my mouth filled up with metallic saliva, and I thought, "crap, I need to find a toilet." Only thing was, my trolley had a bunch of items I hadn't yet paid for, so I had to chuck them out. I quickly offloaded them to the nearest random pile of veges, and then realised that I wouldn't make it. Instead, I grabbed a little plastic bag (that you normally put your fruit/veg in) and decided I was going to have to use that. I didn't get it in time though, and spewed up in my mouth. Luckily I kept it closed... and I managed to open the bag and hold it up to my mouth before the next bit of spew came. I hid in the corner of the shop, spewing into a bag, terribly embarrassed, but unsure what else I could really do other than spew all over the shop floor. Once I was SURE I was done, I left hte shop with my tied-up spew bag and threw it in hte nearest bin, before heading to the toilets to clean myself up (watery eyes, red-faced and probably not really a good idea to be touching food). It was humiliating and disgusting, but I am glad that it seemed nobody noticed other than my daughter, who was repulsed to see me throw up in public.

So, lesson learnt. No eating while wandering around. I need to sit down and focus on my food so I'm actually THINKING about what I'm doing...  rather than just letting come naturally and then end up throwing up while standing in front of the herb section in a fruit/veg shop.

An interesting thing about throwing up after the sleeve is that it feels different. You know when you throw up (before sleeve) and it's usually quite liquidy? Whatever you've swallowed usually comes up at least half digested and with lots of liquid to accompany it. Well, that doesn't happen post-op. It comes up just as it would have when you swallowed it - so chewed, but not digested. There's also very little liquid involved, so you feel it come up the whole way, and it's quite revolting. I find it much more disgusting to vomit now than I did previously.

I guess the plus side of it is that you spew up much smaller amounts.

In other news, my daughter has decided that she wants to be a pescetarian. For those unsure of what that means, it's basically a vegetarian, with the exception of seafood... so she can eat all types of seafood, just not birds or mammals. She's 6, and has made the choice for ethical reasons... and I feel it's my job to support her through it. This means that my diet will probably alter as well - I might be getting some of my protein from non-meat sources some of the time. That'll be interesting... but I will keep meat on hand for myself if I need it. I know my protein-levels are important, so if I need to munch on some red meat, I will. Mostly though, I plan to just eat what she does... in smaller portions, of course.

I've also managed to fit into a size 16 in Portmans. Portmans tends to be a bit more generous than some places, but it's a 16 in a non-plus size shop, so I am pleased. I tried on a green dress that was STUNNING - it seriously was - but the neckline was too high for my bust and made me look a bit icky. The colour was amazing though... a gorgeous green that would flatter so many people...

Still, it wasn't stretchy and it zipped up the entire way... so I am pleased regardless of the fact that the neckline didn't suit. It fit. That is all I really needed to know.

Progress Pics, Show-Off Dress Pics and 15kg GONE FOREVER!

Well... I have a few photos to share today, and some good news too.

As of this morning, I have lost a full 15.5kg since beginning the pre-op diet 9 weeks ago. My operation was 7 weeks ago now. I'm so happy with my progress. My weight is now 91.7kg, and I'm so happy to be that low. I haven't yet tried on normal clothes to see how I fit, but plan to this next weekend - I'll let you all know how I go. I will try not to be too disappointed if I can't fit into a 16 yet though. I'm shrinking - that's all that matters, and if I'm not a 16 yet I will be soon enough.

I figured some progress pictures might be appropriate. You'll have noticed I pretty much wear the same thing for every progress pic... well, the shirts come in a variety of colours, but still the same outfit. That's because I figure it's easier to see the weight loss if I'm wearing the same type of thing, though soon enough, I know it'll be too big (the skirt is already being worn around my hips rather than waist)... but I'll try to find something slim-fitting so at least you can see my body shape.

Anywhere... progress pics...

Yes, that is a toothbrush in my mouth...lol

So hopefully there is some noticeable difference from last time. I think so. I think my middle looks smaller still - especially that part a little bit under my breasts.

I also have a new dress, that I just have to share photos of because I'm in love with it. lol.

I got this 2nd hand on a facebook page... I'm so lucky to have found it, as it's an older style and highly sought after. I'm really happy it fits too - having never tried it on before, I was worried about the chest, but while it's certainly not loose around the bust, it fits well. It covers up a bit of boob too, which makes it a little more conservative (for me at least... compared to many of my other dresses... lol).

I also tried on this dress in City Chic...

I'd seen pics of a few people trying it on, but was unsure how it'd look on me. I also got a huge ego-boost when I could do up the belt - many people have complained about the belt on this dress, saying that just cannot do it up even when the dress fits them. Well, it did up for me and that just made my day! I quite like this dress, but am unsure as to whether or not it's too frou-frou frilly for even me.

Nothing too much is going on otherwise - though I did get spoken to by young (I'm assuming late teens) guys when I was heading to Red Rooster to get the family some take-away recently (I had a piece of calamari... just one... lol). It wasn't the normal way I'm spoken to either - full of "haha, look at that fatty getting take-away," but rather in a way that frightened me. I daresay that if I had stuck around longer rather than rushing past them nervously, they'd have perhaps been even friendly. Now I don't know if they were intending to chat me up or not, but it felt that way... and while it felt uncomfortable, it was flattering.

I still haven't joined the gym yet. I'm on a mission to finish my driving lessons and get my Ps before the end of November (when my Learner's permit runs out) so I'm putting my money into that. I'll see how finances go, but with Christmas coming up... etc etc... you know how it is. Well, I still plan on joining, I just have to make sure I get my priorities right really and while I really want to join the gym, I feel that's a bit more selfish than some of the other expenditures I have.

Just another meal to share...

I shared last night's dinner, so thought I'd share tonights. When you have carbs, you eat even less because you fill up much quicker.

So dinner was a pasta bake... before...

And after...

Now it looks like I've eaten about half - but I ate about 1/3. It's just the cheesy top I ate (light of course!)... with a little bit of pasta and meat. It also contains mushrooms. Really not high in veg this dinner - served DD's with tabouli leftover from yesterday.

So you can see, I'm not eating much.

Why am I posting this food stuff? Just to show you (if you're contemplating surgery) how much you might be able to eat 6 weeks post-op, and what type of foods too.

So just how much I can eat in one sitting?

Just took a pic of dinner last night to show any potential sleevers (or those who had their surgery after I did) just what I can eat in one sitting at 6 weeks post-op.

This is what I started with. This is on a bread-and-butter plate...

Now that's a bit of tabouli (my first attempt at any sort of salad - I figured I'd try this because it's so finely chopped with no hard chunks) which I added a tiny bit of crumbled low-fat feta to and 3 satay wingettes.

This is how it looked when I was so full I couldn't stand to eat anymore...

I had 2 of the wingettes (JUST! lol) and a few mouthfuls of the tabouli. I enjoyed it so much I wanted to eat it all... so probably ate a little more than I should have. I felt uncomfortable and very full after eating all of that. I threw most of the skin from the wingettes out (on a paper napkin out of shot) to avoid the fat.

And just for the record, I lost another 300g overnight, which is fantastic.

I also got an eMail from Portmans, and decided to check their size chart to see if I could even fit into their things again. Obviously it would depend on the item, but I'm a few cm away from fitting into a 16. Not my hips, but under dresses, it doesn't really matter much. I've got a Portmans dress in a 16 that I can currently fit into (not stretchy), but some of their dresses seem far more generous than others. But hey, maybe I can start trying to wear size 16s from regular shops? That'd be awesome. I'll give it a go next time I'm out and see how I fit...

Update of Measurements, Boardshorts Ban and YAY FOR SUSHI!

Time for some measurements...

Current Weight: 92.8kg (as of 18th October 2011, first thing after I woke up) 14.4kg lost

Bust: 110.5cm 10 cm lost
Under Bust: 94cm 6cm lost
Waist: 90cm 11.5cm lost
Hips: 116.5cm 9cm lost

Neck: 37cm 1.5cm lost

Left Thigh (fullest part): 65cm 11cm lost
Right Thigh (fullest part): 64.5cm 9.5cm lost

I didn't measure everything - I'll save that for another day - but you can see that I'm losing cms as well as kgs and that's awesome.

Well, I overcame a big fear of mine - not wearing boardies when swimming. I think I've worn boardies since I was 13. At 12, I went to swimming lessons (in the school pool) and was the only girl NOT wear them. I had a bikini on at that stage - one with those little shorts for bottoms, but not boardies. So as soon as Mum would buy me a new pair of swimmers, the next year, I would only agree to boardies on top.

So, at first, it was about fitting in. Then it was about fitting in and covering stray pubes that might make their way from my bikini bottoms... after all, I didn't regularly practice hair removal in my early teens (well, on my legs and underarms I did, but not elsewhere - it was a simpler time, and I don't think we spent our days discussing such things... I'm not sure I knew that people even removed it back then).

Then it became about covering up the thighs AND hiding stray pubes... because although I began to remove hair in my mid-teens, I wasn't having sex (and when I started having sex, it wasn't regular) so nobody saw down there so it didn't matter much if I slacked off with dealing with it. BUT, I was also getting fatter at that stage. Now when I say fatter, I was probably about 70kg. Not what you'd call FAT, but far from skinny either, and while 70kg would be freaking awesome right now, in high school unless you were no more than about 55kg, you were fat. So the boardies grew longer and longer - the first pair I got were short shorts... but as I grew, so did the length of my shorts. The last time I went swimming prior to this weekend, I was wearing knee-length boardies.

Well, screw that I say! Moving around in wet board shots is a task... and it's not like it hides the fact that your legs are huge anyway... when wet they cling to you for dear life, so any man and his dog can still see their massive width. So why not just forget about it? Why not be like those people I saw on the beach near Underweater World a few weeks back and just NOT CARE about it? I purchased some new swimwear in the City Chic sale (20% for 2 days)... and came back with this:

Yes, I can see that the mirror needs a clean... lol.

Well, I don't have great legs, but I made do, and I didn't give a shit... and just went and swam with my daughter. The only annoying part was that the skirt kept rising in the water so I looked like I was floating in an oil leak... but meh.

Food is mostly going well too. I saw my surgeon on Friday and he explained that the reason I could feel food going down previously was because of swelling... and that's why it's gone now. He also suggested I move onto normal foods. I might wait until I see my dietician before officially giving that a go though... I desperately want a salad but don't want to end up hanging over a toilet seat if I dare to try one.

Sushi is something I can eat now too. THANK GOD. I can eat about 1/2 a roll in a sitting, but the best part is you only really have to pay about $2 for your meal... much better than forking out for a proper meal and feeling like you're wasting money since you can only take a few small bites and then chuck it. It tastes divine too... tuna sushi was my first attempt and it was just perfect. Perhaps I'll make my own again soon - but cut mine into the portion sizes I can actually eat in full. Then I won't feel so wasteful. It feels so weird to eat such small amounts - like you're pathetic for only managing a HALF of a sushi roll since they're quite little anyway.

Chicken Wing Saviours, Joining the Gym and a Dress Dilemma

Eating is so damn hard. I am so over most foods... BUT yesterday I picked up some chicken wings and managed to eat ALMOST 2 of them (well, they were wingettes, so not full wings... lol) and I also ate a lot more than usual and lost a bit more so I think that's really what I've got to do... I know I keep saying eat more to lose more, but seriously, eating more is quite difficult. Who ever thought I'd say that? lol.

Chicken wings are a bit fatty, I know, so I don't want to make them a habit, but LEAN MINCE OVER AND OVER was probably what was making me not eat. Too much of that has had me just not bothering with food... and that's really not good, so I'm happy to put a little fatty meat in there so long if it means I'm actually keeping my food intake up. It was also a change in taste and texture, so quite enjoyable.

I've also decided that next week I'm joining the gym. Why next week and not now? Because I'm poor right now... that's the only reason. I can join online, but I might go in and maybe use their free 7-day pass first to see if it's even worth it. Damn... just realised that means I'll need gym clothes. And a sports bra. More money to spend... *sigh*

I am eager to use their classes, but am scared that I'll be this fat, red blob huffing and puffing... and everyone else will be amazing at it. I'll have to get over that though... if I never start out as that fat blob, I'll never get to be one of them...

They have kids classes too that they twice weekly (I think?) where the kids can do a class for 45 mins while you hit the machines... I can organise to do my stuff while DD is at school, but it might be something interesting for her to do too sometimes... it's for ages 6-12 or something. I'll talk to her about it and see what she thinks.

Last week I tried on a dress... and I'm in love. I think it shows my body off in all the right ways... but it's expensive so can I afford it? Probably not. Still, I keep wondering if I should just buy the things I love and get them taken in when they're too big. I'm down to 3 dresses I can wear now (2 are a bit too big), and 1 skirt, that's a high-waisted skirt, but I now have to wear it on my hips. Everything else is too big to wear... which is good, but annoying because I cannot afford new clothes. Here's the dress anyway...

It's shows a lot of boob... but why not? Takes the focus off my arms... lol

I also need swimwear this weekend as I'm meeting up with an old friend at South Bank, and of course you cannot go to South Bank with a 6-year-old in warm weather without taking them to the Streets Beach (is it Streets Beach? I remember back when it was Breaka Beach... so it could be something else now... I dunno). I'm a bit miffed about having to spend on the swimwear, but also excited that it'll be the first time since I was about 12 that I'll be boardshort-free. Back then it was all about hiding stray pubes (in case they stuck out of your swimsuit), but it developed into "hiding hideous thighs." I'll pop my CC skirt/bikini bottom thing on and just not care.

Quite scared they won't have it in store though... that'll suck if they don't. Might give them a ring and see... and see if they can put it on hold.

Saying Stupid Shit, Coconut Curry = Cramping and Plus-Size Sizes VS Standard Sizes...

Why do people say dumb shit to you if it's NOT going to change anything, other than your mood?

Last night I messaged Mum and then figured I should probably message Dad and let him know how things have gone post-op as the last time I spoke to him was a few days after surgery. I let him know in a message how much I'd lost (it's now officially a full 13kg!), etc etc... and said I'd call him sometime soon. I was watching "The One," and was feeling ill, and he has a habit of ringing rather than messaging back so I hoped this would make him realise I wasn't up for a chat right away... alas, it did not, and I recieved a phonecall almost immediately (so I have no idea wtf happened on the show... *sigh*).

Anyway, he went on and on about how good it was that I'd lost weight, blah blah... all good. Just the kind of positive stuff most people enjoy hearing.

Then he went on to say that he'd seen my profile pic on FB (not the current one readers who are also FB friends... but the one with me in the headphones), and he said something like, "I don't want to say gaunt... but just... drawn? Tired? A little sick?" etc etc. Basically saying I look crap and unhealthy.

Really, saying that is going to do what exactly? If he's trying to suggest surgery was a bad move... too late now! If he just thinks I look like shit (more likely, knowing my father), then why did he have to say anything? I don't say things like that to people I know... I don't go around telling them they look like they've packed on a few, or look like they could use a burger. I don't say, "Wow, you're looking WAY older than you should!" or anything. It's just impolite and has no benefit whatsoever. All it does is make the other person feel crap.

So yes, I took down that profile pic and replaced it. He'll probably say something about this one too (well, he won't, because I won't bother speaking to him anytime soon just to avoid that), but really, why did he need to say anything about the last one?

My face is thinner I think, which is a GOOD THING... having a fat face isn't something I want, so I'm GLAD it looks thinner. That photo was also taken at 9pm after wearing make-up all day... make-up that was probably smudged a little and therefore perhaps made me look a little tired or whatever... but regardless, it's not something that need commenting.

Bleh.

Of course, I also ended up getting lectured about other stuff. Apparently, it doesn't matter if you never use your uni degree properly - it's just a good idea to have one. He knows people who are qualified as doctors, but who work for the government. He was selling this to me as a reason to get my degree... but in all honesty, that doesn't seem all that logical, and certainly not a selling point. Why waste years training to be something, and then just go work in the government... a job that requires (in this particular role anyway) nothing more than perhaps a TAFE cert for working with computers or whatever. I didn't bother telling him about beauty school. I didn't see the point.

He also told me that I love people, and when I argued, he argued back with me, saying that yes I do love people. lol. It's great to know that he knows me better than I know myself. Seriously - I hate people. Not every person, but I am not exactly a social butterfly... and while I can quite easily and happily fake liking people in a job like beauty, or retail, or whatever... I still don't LOVE people. lol.

I love my Dad, I do... he's just so irritating. You cannot say anything without him bringing you down (though I honestly don't think it's his intention - I think he's just clueless) or lecturing you on stuff. He lectures on everything. I am so determined not to do that to my children, but who knows? I fear it'll happen oneday... I'll just pretend to be a fountain of knowledge and tell them that THIS IS RIGHT AND THEY ARE WRONG. lol. I still hope not.

Still trying to get in protein... god I hate it. I'm seeing Mum for lunch (for her birthday) next Friday as well as seeing my surgeon then too... so let's see what I end up eating. I haven't really eaten anywhere since my op, so it'll be interesting. Mum hardly eats too (she just has a naturally small appetite), so I might go halves with her in something, depending on what there is on offer. Maybe if we got a lasagne or something, I'd have my 3 mouthfuls and she could have the rest. lol.

I've heard some people at the same post-op stage as me (op on same day) are eating things like tabouli and coleslaw and chicken wings and stuff... I'm a bit jealous because even if my dietician gave me the go-ahead, my stomach just wouldn't hack it at this stage.

I also seem to not be able to tolerate coconut milk. I made a pork coconut curry... and I had about 2 mouthfuls before I felt that it was going to exit my body again in a matter of moments, though not sure via which exit. lol. It didn't, but I just lay down with cramps and aches and pains... I seriously thought it'd be an okay option given I tried the Tony Ferguson pre-made chicken coconut curry and it was fine... maybe I just suck at making my own.

It's also interesting to note that some people (the same bitches I mentioned posts and posts back), have been going on about how there's no way on earth I could be an XS at City Chic, since an XS and a 14 are the same. It's true - AT CITY CHIC. A City Chic 14 and a Target 14 (or just a regular store 14) are WORLDS apart. I am not a size 14 - only at City Chic. Do people, even plus-sized people, really not realise that plus-size stores generally offer generous sizing instead of standard sizing? So anyway - jerks - I am an XS at CC but this doesn't mean I'm a 14 if I went to shop elsewhere. I'd probably be an 18... MAYBE a 16 in a dress or top, but not bottoms. People can be seriously deluded, and it's amazing what they find worth bitching about.

Bye Sexy Dress, Progress Pics and Eating Prawns

Still at 94.3kg... I honestly haven't been eating enough the past few days. I'm not bothered - I've still lost a fair bit thus far, and I know it's not ready to stop coming off just yet... so I'm content.

I've realised I need to say goodbye to a few of my clothes though... they no longer fit. One dress I have never worn... when I got it (online) it was a little too snug. I have nowhere to wear it anyway, so I decided to sell it. I advertised it, and got a question about it... so decided to try it on, take a photo and share my measurements so the lady could get an idea for how it might fit her body. It was a tiny bit snug around the boobs, but I felt so sexy in it... so I'm glad I took a pic! Here it is...

CC "Michelle" dress in XS



It makes me look so curvy, so I was sad to post it off today. Oh well, I have nowhere to wear it, and hopefully I'll be fitting into smaller sizes in a few months anyway... so there's no real point in keeping it. I'm just glad I could fit into it before I sold it. That was a nice feeling.

I've also taken my weekly progress pics... so here they are, completey with "befores" as always...

and....

I can see some difference around the middle.

Am going to catch up with a really old friend in a few weeks too... so that'll be interesting. She knows about the op... but we're going to have something to eat anyway so that'll be interesting. I might just order a milkshake or something if I can't tolerate any of the food... though hopefully I can get a bit of grilled fish or something. I sat around eating some prawns today for protein... so hoping I get enough in today. Having a pork coconut (with low fat coconut milk) curry tonight... well, that's the plan. I hope it goes down well... I'm really ready for proper foods again... so I'm going as proper food as my stomach will allow.

Also got some Musashi (I think that's what it's called) protein drink today. They had a big one with 30g protein, and a smaller one with 20g, so I got the smaller one cos not sure I could drink the whole larger one. Might be a way to get more protein in anyway.

Also decided AGAINST those swimmers I tried on a few blog posts ago... but you can get that swimsuit in a tankini style, so I'll get the top, and then the bottoms which are like a bikini bottom but with a little skirt attached... it sounds so granny but it doesn't look that granny. I'm quite proud that I'm willing to wear something like that in public, considering I'm the type to wear knee-length boardies when swimming. Might as well just not care.

I do feel much more confident in myself lately... perhaps because I know I'm not binging and I am losing weight too... so I've got a reason to feel happier. DP has noticed it too, and is thrilled with it. He said he doesn't care much about my weight loss, only about me being more confident and content...

Anyway, I guess this was a pretty boring update but I showed my weekly progress regardless...

Well after my "only 100g loss," post, I've continued to drop... after trying to up my food intake. It seems to have worked. I'm now 94.3kg! WOOHOO! That's 100g shy of 13kg lost all up.

I went into Terry White yesterday and got a pack of the Tony Ferguson ready-made meals... the Coconut Chicken Curry one. I've had it before so knew it was really soft and yummy. 1/2 yesterday and 1/2 today. Went down well. Might go back and get some more, maybe try some of the other flavours.

Also found some GREAT cordial... The Natural Cordial Company. So far I can only find 4 flavours, but they're awesome because they're not diet, but they're not fully sugared-up like the cottees types either. With the sleeve, I'm supposed to have diet drinks, but EW. Aspartame tastes gross and it seems to be in every diet product there is... and it has a really obvious fake taste. This new cordial I've found though, uses 100% juice to make their cordial, plus stevia to flavour it. Stevia is stuff from an African plant (or something like that) that tastes like sugar but has WAY less carbs... so basically, this cordial tastes great!

Am planning to make beef strog for dinner tonight too, but obviously a little more friendly to my current eating stage. I want to start making meals we can all eat (well, DD and myself anyway). Am going to cut up some casserole beef really finely... and I'm using tinned mushrooms because they're just softer. I do prefer fresh, but obviously, I want to make sure my tummy is still kept happy.

Also have to recommend something that is so not diet-friendly, but is just divine - Honest Charlie's. It's a brand of drinks from NZ... they're just yummy as! They've got a few different types but I LOVE their lemonades. Old fashioned and without the fizz... just so yummy. I guess it's somethnig I can have as a sleever too because it lacks the carbonation... so I've got some raspberry lemonade which I'll have a little of each day if I'm feeling like I need it. Sure, it's sugary, but given I'm not eating much with sugar, I've decided it's allowable.

I'm also planning on temporarily stopping uni work next year. I dunno, I think doing it from home is so bloody hard. It's so easy to get distracted... I need to go it in person I think, so I can't just bludge. I'm doing well, sure, but I'm finding it really hard to stick to. I've also decided I need to FINANCIALLY contribute to my family as soon as I can, and this uni degree is going to take me a long time to complete.

So the plan is to do the diploma of Beauty Therapy (having already done the Cert III in Beauty and Cert II in Make-Up, so I know what it'll be like), get a job... and maybe, especially if I have my own small business at some stage, continue my uni-work then. I know everyone who was all "yay!" about me doing uni will probably not like this news, but tbh, my goal is to be a writer of novels, and I can still do that without a degree. My degree was more aimed at other stuff anyway, like journalism and working in film... which I guess I could do if I had to, but in all honesty, it's not something I feel comfortable with as I feel you need far more self-confidence for those roles than I have.

Plus, I don't mind beauty. I quite enjoyed my previous beauty courses and would ahve worked in that area happily were it not for falling pregnant. So I want to get out of the house to study that, then get a job in that area. I feel this is what my family needs right now... and maybe later things will allow for more uni work... if I decide I want to go back to that.

I've lost 100g since my last weight update. So now I'm 95.6kg. I'm tempted to go "ONLY 100g?! WTF?!" and whinge about how little I've been eating so how that's so disappointing... blah blah... but while it bothers me a tiny bit I generally don't care.

There's this "3 week plateau" sleevers tend to mention... and guess what? I'm there. I'm about 3.5 weeks post-op. I figure my body has gone, "Okay, so you're not going to feed me enough to live on I see... no matter, I'll save every last calorie you consume until I need it." My body is clearly an idiot because it seems to forgotten that saving up fat stores is all it's done for the past... well, a long time. lol. Still, I think it means that I'm going to need to eat more to lose more... though of course, eating more is a task when you actually cannot eat more.

I do think I probably can though. I need to eat MORE OFTEN. I've got a plan for Breakfast, Snack, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, Snack. I am mostly eating breakfast, lunch and dinner though... so obviously need to start paying attention to those snacks. IF I can get anything in, that is.

I did manage some yummy food for lunch though... some baby crab cakes. I plan on making some fish cakes myself, but these just came pre-packaged in the frozen seafood section so I decided to give them a go. They really are tiny though... I had 4, which sounds impressive... until you learn they're about the size of a 20c piece each. lol. Yummy though, especially for something pre-packed like that.

Saw MIL this morning as well. Our house was getting sprayed for bugs, so she came over for that... and I mentioned that I'd been taking photos just to keep myself updated (I can't think of why we were talking about it). Anyway, I mentioned that you can't see too much difference, but she piped up with, "Oh YOU probably think you can't... but I can see HEAPS of difference..." and added that it was my face, neck and middle she's noticed it. Which was nice. As I've said before (I think?), she's not really one to offer compliments, so it was nice to hear it. Again.

Not much else to report really... life is cruisy at the moment.