Losing PURE FAT, Throwing up amongst the herbs and trying on a size 16 in Portmans...

So my weight as of this morning: 90.6kg.

It just keeps going down and down, so I'm really quite thrilled.

Also happy with my loss is my dietician, who I saw on Wednesday. I love my dietician - seriously - I think I would pay to see her long after I stop needing her help because she always makes me feel good. She's the most positive person, and is just lovely.

One thing that she is VERY happy with is the fact that all the weight I've lost is fat. Not water, not muscle... PURE FAT! She said that's very uncommon and that it's GREAT. So every bit of weight I'd lost between my last visit and this visit (about 6 weeks in between), has been pure fat loss. My body fat percentage was previouly 46.something % and is now 41%. She said that's a huge drop as well, and is really happy with it.

I've been given the go-ahead now to try all foods as well. I have yet to attempt a steak or anything like that, and think it'll be a long while yet before I even consider it... I just don't feel ready for that kind of heavy texture just yet. I am happy to be given the okay to try normal foods though, because it means I can attempt salads, which I am very much looking forward to. Have a great goatscheese, beetroot, baby spinach, walnut and chickpea salad I'm intending to have this week... I hope it all goes down well.

Speaking of going down well - not all food does. Well, not all the time anyway. While there is a general rule not to drink 30 mins before or after meals, it seems to me that I have difficulty with foods when I don't drink BEFORE eating. If this happens, food tends to get clogged up and find it hard getting to my stomach... and it's all very uncomfortable. PREVIOUSLY if this happened, I'd chug on some sort of drink to push it down... but now if I do that... well... I spew.

Take today for example, and be warned, this is a gross story.

I had a few bites of sushi while I shopped. It equalled a bit less than 1/2 a sushi roll, so not much at all. Previously, sushi has been fine for me to eat, but I guess I didn't have enough to drink beforehand and it began to get stuck and feel uncomfortable. Dealing with a heavy trolley and a talkative child, I wasn't thinking and just took a swig of drink. BIG MISTAKE.

I was in the fruit shop, and felt the "omg I'm going to spew," feeling that you get post-op on occasion. It happens if you eat too much, eat too quickly or drink after meals. That's how it happens for me anyway. Well, my mouth filled up with metallic saliva, and I thought, "crap, I need to find a toilet." Only thing was, my trolley had a bunch of items I hadn't yet paid for, so I had to chuck them out. I quickly offloaded them to the nearest random pile of veges, and then realised that I wouldn't make it. Instead, I grabbed a little plastic bag (that you normally put your fruit/veg in) and decided I was going to have to use that. I didn't get it in time though, and spewed up in my mouth. Luckily I kept it closed... and I managed to open the bag and hold it up to my mouth before the next bit of spew came. I hid in the corner of the shop, spewing into a bag, terribly embarrassed, but unsure what else I could really do other than spew all over the shop floor. Once I was SURE I was done, I left hte shop with my tied-up spew bag and threw it in hte nearest bin, before heading to the toilets to clean myself up (watery eyes, red-faced and probably not really a good idea to be touching food). It was humiliating and disgusting, but I am glad that it seemed nobody noticed other than my daughter, who was repulsed to see me throw up in public.

So, lesson learnt. No eating while wandering around. I need to sit down and focus on my food so I'm actually THINKING about what I'm doing...  rather than just letting come naturally and then end up throwing up while standing in front of the herb section in a fruit/veg shop.

An interesting thing about throwing up after the sleeve is that it feels different. You know when you throw up (before sleeve) and it's usually quite liquidy? Whatever you've swallowed usually comes up at least half digested and with lots of liquid to accompany it. Well, that doesn't happen post-op. It comes up just as it would have when you swallowed it - so chewed, but not digested. There's also very little liquid involved, so you feel it come up the whole way, and it's quite revolting. I find it much more disgusting to vomit now than I did previously.

I guess the plus side of it is that you spew up much smaller amounts.

In other news, my daughter has decided that she wants to be a pescetarian. For those unsure of what that means, it's basically a vegetarian, with the exception of seafood... so she can eat all types of seafood, just not birds or mammals. She's 6, and has made the choice for ethical reasons... and I feel it's my job to support her through it. This means that my diet will probably alter as well - I might be getting some of my protein from non-meat sources some of the time. That'll be interesting... but I will keep meat on hand for myself if I need it. I know my protein-levels are important, so if I need to munch on some red meat, I will. Mostly though, I plan to just eat what she does... in smaller portions, of course.

I've also managed to fit into a size 16 in Portmans. Portmans tends to be a bit more generous than some places, but it's a 16 in a non-plus size shop, so I am pleased. I tried on a green dress that was STUNNING - it seriously was - but the neckline was too high for my bust and made me look a bit icky. The colour was amazing though... a gorgeous green that would flatter so many people...

Still, it wasn't stretchy and it zipped up the entire way... so I am pleased regardless of the fact that the neckline didn't suit. It fit. That is all I really needed to know.

Progress Pics, Show-Off Dress Pics and 15kg GONE FOREVER!

Well... I have a few photos to share today, and some good news too.

As of this morning, I have lost a full 15.5kg since beginning the pre-op diet 9 weeks ago. My operation was 7 weeks ago now. I'm so happy with my progress. My weight is now 91.7kg, and I'm so happy to be that low. I haven't yet tried on normal clothes to see how I fit, but plan to this next weekend - I'll let you all know how I go. I will try not to be too disappointed if I can't fit into a 16 yet though. I'm shrinking - that's all that matters, and if I'm not a 16 yet I will be soon enough.

I figured some progress pictures might be appropriate. You'll have noticed I pretty much wear the same thing for every progress pic... well, the shirts come in a variety of colours, but still the same outfit. That's because I figure it's easier to see the weight loss if I'm wearing the same type of thing, though soon enough, I know it'll be too big (the skirt is already being worn around my hips rather than waist)... but I'll try to find something slim-fitting so at least you can see my body shape.

Anywhere... progress pics...

Yes, that is a toothbrush in my mouth...lol

So hopefully there is some noticeable difference from last time. I think so. I think my middle looks smaller still - especially that part a little bit under my breasts.

I also have a new dress, that I just have to share photos of because I'm in love with it. lol.

I got this 2nd hand on a facebook page... I'm so lucky to have found it, as it's an older style and highly sought after. I'm really happy it fits too - having never tried it on before, I was worried about the chest, but while it's certainly not loose around the bust, it fits well. It covers up a bit of boob too, which makes it a little more conservative (for me at least... compared to many of my other dresses... lol).

I also tried on this dress in City Chic...

I'd seen pics of a few people trying it on, but was unsure how it'd look on me. I also got a huge ego-boost when I could do up the belt - many people have complained about the belt on this dress, saying that just cannot do it up even when the dress fits them. Well, it did up for me and that just made my day! I quite like this dress, but am unsure as to whether or not it's too frou-frou frilly for even me.

Nothing too much is going on otherwise - though I did get spoken to by young (I'm assuming late teens) guys when I was heading to Red Rooster to get the family some take-away recently (I had a piece of calamari... just one... lol). It wasn't the normal way I'm spoken to either - full of "haha, look at that fatty getting take-away," but rather in a way that frightened me. I daresay that if I had stuck around longer rather than rushing past them nervously, they'd have perhaps been even friendly. Now I don't know if they were intending to chat me up or not, but it felt that way... and while it felt uncomfortable, it was flattering.

I still haven't joined the gym yet. I'm on a mission to finish my driving lessons and get my Ps before the end of November (when my Learner's permit runs out) so I'm putting my money into that. I'll see how finances go, but with Christmas coming up... etc etc... you know how it is. Well, I still plan on joining, I just have to make sure I get my priorities right really and while I really want to join the gym, I feel that's a bit more selfish than some of the other expenditures I have.

Just another meal to share...

I shared last night's dinner, so thought I'd share tonights. When you have carbs, you eat even less because you fill up much quicker.

So dinner was a pasta bake... before...

And after...

Now it looks like I've eaten about half - but I ate about 1/3. It's just the cheesy top I ate (light of course!)... with a little bit of pasta and meat. It also contains mushrooms. Really not high in veg this dinner - served DD's with tabouli leftover from yesterday.

So you can see, I'm not eating much.

Why am I posting this food stuff? Just to show you (if you're contemplating surgery) how much you might be able to eat 6 weeks post-op, and what type of foods too.

So just how much I can eat in one sitting?

Just took a pic of dinner last night to show any potential sleevers (or those who had their surgery after I did) just what I can eat in one sitting at 6 weeks post-op.

This is what I started with. This is on a bread-and-butter plate...

Now that's a bit of tabouli (my first attempt at any sort of salad - I figured I'd try this because it's so finely chopped with no hard chunks) which I added a tiny bit of crumbled low-fat feta to and 3 satay wingettes.

This is how it looked when I was so full I couldn't stand to eat anymore...

I had 2 of the wingettes (JUST! lol) and a few mouthfuls of the tabouli. I enjoyed it so much I wanted to eat it all... so probably ate a little more than I should have. I felt uncomfortable and very full after eating all of that. I threw most of the skin from the wingettes out (on a paper napkin out of shot) to avoid the fat.

And just for the record, I lost another 300g overnight, which is fantastic.

I also got an eMail from Portmans, and decided to check their size chart to see if I could even fit into their things again. Obviously it would depend on the item, but I'm a few cm away from fitting into a 16. Not my hips, but under dresses, it doesn't really matter much. I've got a Portmans dress in a 16 that I can currently fit into (not stretchy), but some of their dresses seem far more generous than others. But hey, maybe I can start trying to wear size 16s from regular shops? That'd be awesome. I'll give it a go next time I'm out and see how I fit...

Update of Measurements, Boardshorts Ban and YAY FOR SUSHI!

Time for some measurements...

Current Weight: 92.8kg (as of 18th October 2011, first thing after I woke up) 14.4kg lost

Bust: 110.5cm 10 cm lost
Under Bust: 94cm 6cm lost
Waist: 90cm 11.5cm lost
Hips: 116.5cm 9cm lost

Neck: 37cm 1.5cm lost

Left Thigh (fullest part): 65cm 11cm lost
Right Thigh (fullest part): 64.5cm 9.5cm lost

I didn't measure everything - I'll save that for another day - but you can see that I'm losing cms as well as kgs and that's awesome.

Well, I overcame a big fear of mine - not wearing boardies when swimming. I think I've worn boardies since I was 13. At 12, I went to swimming lessons (in the school pool) and was the only girl NOT wear them. I had a bikini on at that stage - one with those little shorts for bottoms, but not boardies. So as soon as Mum would buy me a new pair of swimmers, the next year, I would only agree to boardies on top.

So, at first, it was about fitting in. Then it was about fitting in and covering stray pubes that might make their way from my bikini bottoms... after all, I didn't regularly practice hair removal in my early teens (well, on my legs and underarms I did, but not elsewhere - it was a simpler time, and I don't think we spent our days discussing such things... I'm not sure I knew that people even removed it back then).

Then it became about covering up the thighs AND hiding stray pubes... because although I began to remove hair in my mid-teens, I wasn't having sex (and when I started having sex, it wasn't regular) so nobody saw down there so it didn't matter much if I slacked off with dealing with it. BUT, I was also getting fatter at that stage. Now when I say fatter, I was probably about 70kg. Not what you'd call FAT, but far from skinny either, and while 70kg would be freaking awesome right now, in high school unless you were no more than about 55kg, you were fat. So the boardies grew longer and longer - the first pair I got were short shorts... but as I grew, so did the length of my shorts. The last time I went swimming prior to this weekend, I was wearing knee-length boardies.

Well, screw that I say! Moving around in wet board shots is a task... and it's not like it hides the fact that your legs are huge anyway... when wet they cling to you for dear life, so any man and his dog can still see their massive width. So why not just forget about it? Why not be like those people I saw on the beach near Underweater World a few weeks back and just NOT CARE about it? I purchased some new swimwear in the City Chic sale (20% for 2 days)... and came back with this:

Yes, I can see that the mirror needs a clean... lol.

Well, I don't have great legs, but I made do, and I didn't give a shit... and just went and swam with my daughter. The only annoying part was that the skirt kept rising in the water so I looked like I was floating in an oil leak... but meh.

Food is mostly going well too. I saw my surgeon on Friday and he explained that the reason I could feel food going down previously was because of swelling... and that's why it's gone now. He also suggested I move onto normal foods. I might wait until I see my dietician before officially giving that a go though... I desperately want a salad but don't want to end up hanging over a toilet seat if I dare to try one.

Sushi is something I can eat now too. THANK GOD. I can eat about 1/2 a roll in a sitting, but the best part is you only really have to pay about $2 for your meal... much better than forking out for a proper meal and feeling like you're wasting money since you can only take a few small bites and then chuck it. It tastes divine too... tuna sushi was my first attempt and it was just perfect. Perhaps I'll make my own again soon - but cut mine into the portion sizes I can actually eat in full. Then I won't feel so wasteful. It feels so weird to eat such small amounts - like you're pathetic for only managing a HALF of a sushi roll since they're quite little anyway.

Chicken Wing Saviours, Joining the Gym and a Dress Dilemma

Eating is so damn hard. I am so over most foods... BUT yesterday I picked up some chicken wings and managed to eat ALMOST 2 of them (well, they were wingettes, so not full wings... lol) and I also ate a lot more than usual and lost a bit more so I think that's really what I've got to do... I know I keep saying eat more to lose more, but seriously, eating more is quite difficult. Who ever thought I'd say that? lol.

Chicken wings are a bit fatty, I know, so I don't want to make them a habit, but LEAN MINCE OVER AND OVER was probably what was making me not eat. Too much of that has had me just not bothering with food... and that's really not good, so I'm happy to put a little fatty meat in there so long if it means I'm actually keeping my food intake up. It was also a change in taste and texture, so quite enjoyable.

I've also decided that next week I'm joining the gym. Why next week and not now? Because I'm poor right now... that's the only reason. I can join online, but I might go in and maybe use their free 7-day pass first to see if it's even worth it. Damn... just realised that means I'll need gym clothes. And a sports bra. More money to spend... *sigh*

I am eager to use their classes, but am scared that I'll be this fat, red blob huffing and puffing... and everyone else will be amazing at it. I'll have to get over that though... if I never start out as that fat blob, I'll never get to be one of them...

They have kids classes too that they twice weekly (I think?) where the kids can do a class for 45 mins while you hit the machines... I can organise to do my stuff while DD is at school, but it might be something interesting for her to do too sometimes... it's for ages 6-12 or something. I'll talk to her about it and see what she thinks.

Last week I tried on a dress... and I'm in love. I think it shows my body off in all the right ways... but it's expensive so can I afford it? Probably not. Still, I keep wondering if I should just buy the things I love and get them taken in when they're too big. I'm down to 3 dresses I can wear now (2 are a bit too big), and 1 skirt, that's a high-waisted skirt, but I now have to wear it on my hips. Everything else is too big to wear... which is good, but annoying because I cannot afford new clothes. Here's the dress anyway...

It's shows a lot of boob... but why not? Takes the focus off my arms... lol

I also need swimwear this weekend as I'm meeting up with an old friend at South Bank, and of course you cannot go to South Bank with a 6-year-old in warm weather without taking them to the Streets Beach (is it Streets Beach? I remember back when it was Breaka Beach... so it could be something else now... I dunno). I'm a bit miffed about having to spend on the swimwear, but also excited that it'll be the first time since I was about 12 that I'll be boardshort-free. Back then it was all about hiding stray pubes (in case they stuck out of your swimsuit), but it developed into "hiding hideous thighs." I'll pop my CC skirt/bikini bottom thing on and just not care.

Quite scared they won't have it in store though... that'll suck if they don't. Might give them a ring and see... and see if they can put it on hold.

Saying Stupid Shit, Coconut Curry = Cramping and Plus-Size Sizes VS Standard Sizes...

Why do people say dumb shit to you if it's NOT going to change anything, other than your mood?

Last night I messaged Mum and then figured I should probably message Dad and let him know how things have gone post-op as the last time I spoke to him was a few days after surgery. I let him know in a message how much I'd lost (it's now officially a full 13kg!), etc etc... and said I'd call him sometime soon. I was watching "The One," and was feeling ill, and he has a habit of ringing rather than messaging back so I hoped this would make him realise I wasn't up for a chat right away... alas, it did not, and I recieved a phonecall almost immediately (so I have no idea wtf happened on the show... *sigh*).

Anyway, he went on and on about how good it was that I'd lost weight, blah blah... all good. Just the kind of positive stuff most people enjoy hearing.

Then he went on to say that he'd seen my profile pic on FB (not the current one readers who are also FB friends... but the one with me in the headphones), and he said something like, "I don't want to say gaunt... but just... drawn? Tired? A little sick?" etc etc. Basically saying I look crap and unhealthy.

Really, saying that is going to do what exactly? If he's trying to suggest surgery was a bad move... too late now! If he just thinks I look like shit (more likely, knowing my father), then why did he have to say anything? I don't say things like that to people I know... I don't go around telling them they look like they've packed on a few, or look like they could use a burger. I don't say, "Wow, you're looking WAY older than you should!" or anything. It's just impolite and has no benefit whatsoever. All it does is make the other person feel crap.

So yes, I took down that profile pic and replaced it. He'll probably say something about this one too (well, he won't, because I won't bother speaking to him anytime soon just to avoid that), but really, why did he need to say anything about the last one?

My face is thinner I think, which is a GOOD THING... having a fat face isn't something I want, so I'm GLAD it looks thinner. That photo was also taken at 9pm after wearing make-up all day... make-up that was probably smudged a little and therefore perhaps made me look a little tired or whatever... but regardless, it's not something that need commenting.

Bleh.

Of course, I also ended up getting lectured about other stuff. Apparently, it doesn't matter if you never use your uni degree properly - it's just a good idea to have one. He knows people who are qualified as doctors, but who work for the government. He was selling this to me as a reason to get my degree... but in all honesty, that doesn't seem all that logical, and certainly not a selling point. Why waste years training to be something, and then just go work in the government... a job that requires (in this particular role anyway) nothing more than perhaps a TAFE cert for working with computers or whatever. I didn't bother telling him about beauty school. I didn't see the point.

He also told me that I love people, and when I argued, he argued back with me, saying that yes I do love people. lol. It's great to know that he knows me better than I know myself. Seriously - I hate people. Not every person, but I am not exactly a social butterfly... and while I can quite easily and happily fake liking people in a job like beauty, or retail, or whatever... I still don't LOVE people. lol.

I love my Dad, I do... he's just so irritating. You cannot say anything without him bringing you down (though I honestly don't think it's his intention - I think he's just clueless) or lecturing you on stuff. He lectures on everything. I am so determined not to do that to my children, but who knows? I fear it'll happen oneday... I'll just pretend to be a fountain of knowledge and tell them that THIS IS RIGHT AND THEY ARE WRONG. lol. I still hope not.

Still trying to get in protein... god I hate it. I'm seeing Mum for lunch (for her birthday) next Friday as well as seeing my surgeon then too... so let's see what I end up eating. I haven't really eaten anywhere since my op, so it'll be interesting. Mum hardly eats too (she just has a naturally small appetite), so I might go halves with her in something, depending on what there is on offer. Maybe if we got a lasagne or something, I'd have my 3 mouthfuls and she could have the rest. lol.

I've heard some people at the same post-op stage as me (op on same day) are eating things like tabouli and coleslaw and chicken wings and stuff... I'm a bit jealous because even if my dietician gave me the go-ahead, my stomach just wouldn't hack it at this stage.

I also seem to not be able to tolerate coconut milk. I made a pork coconut curry... and I had about 2 mouthfuls before I felt that it was going to exit my body again in a matter of moments, though not sure via which exit. lol. It didn't, but I just lay down with cramps and aches and pains... I seriously thought it'd be an okay option given I tried the Tony Ferguson pre-made chicken coconut curry and it was fine... maybe I just suck at making my own.

It's also interesting to note that some people (the same bitches I mentioned posts and posts back), have been going on about how there's no way on earth I could be an XS at City Chic, since an XS and a 14 are the same. It's true - AT CITY CHIC. A City Chic 14 and a Target 14 (or just a regular store 14) are WORLDS apart. I am not a size 14 - only at City Chic. Do people, even plus-sized people, really not realise that plus-size stores generally offer generous sizing instead of standard sizing? So anyway - jerks - I am an XS at CC but this doesn't mean I'm a 14 if I went to shop elsewhere. I'd probably be an 18... MAYBE a 16 in a dress or top, but not bottoms. People can be seriously deluded, and it's amazing what they find worth bitching about.

Bye Sexy Dress, Progress Pics and Eating Prawns

Still at 94.3kg... I honestly haven't been eating enough the past few days. I'm not bothered - I've still lost a fair bit thus far, and I know it's not ready to stop coming off just yet... so I'm content.

I've realised I need to say goodbye to a few of my clothes though... they no longer fit. One dress I have never worn... when I got it (online) it was a little too snug. I have nowhere to wear it anyway, so I decided to sell it. I advertised it, and got a question about it... so decided to try it on, take a photo and share my measurements so the lady could get an idea for how it might fit her body. It was a tiny bit snug around the boobs, but I felt so sexy in it... so I'm glad I took a pic! Here it is...

CC "Michelle" dress in XS



It makes me look so curvy, so I was sad to post it off today. Oh well, I have nowhere to wear it, and hopefully I'll be fitting into smaller sizes in a few months anyway... so there's no real point in keeping it. I'm just glad I could fit into it before I sold it. That was a nice feeling.

I've also taken my weekly progress pics... so here they are, completey with "befores" as always...

and....

I can see some difference around the middle.

Am going to catch up with a really old friend in a few weeks too... so that'll be interesting. She knows about the op... but we're going to have something to eat anyway so that'll be interesting. I might just order a milkshake or something if I can't tolerate any of the food... though hopefully I can get a bit of grilled fish or something. I sat around eating some prawns today for protein... so hoping I get enough in today. Having a pork coconut (with low fat coconut milk) curry tonight... well, that's the plan. I hope it goes down well... I'm really ready for proper foods again... so I'm going as proper food as my stomach will allow.

Also got some Musashi (I think that's what it's called) protein drink today. They had a big one with 30g protein, and a smaller one with 20g, so I got the smaller one cos not sure I could drink the whole larger one. Might be a way to get more protein in anyway.

Also decided AGAINST those swimmers I tried on a few blog posts ago... but you can get that swimsuit in a tankini style, so I'll get the top, and then the bottoms which are like a bikini bottom but with a little skirt attached... it sounds so granny but it doesn't look that granny. I'm quite proud that I'm willing to wear something like that in public, considering I'm the type to wear knee-length boardies when swimming. Might as well just not care.

I do feel much more confident in myself lately... perhaps because I know I'm not binging and I am losing weight too... so I've got a reason to feel happier. DP has noticed it too, and is thrilled with it. He said he doesn't care much about my weight loss, only about me being more confident and content...

Anyway, I guess this was a pretty boring update but I showed my weekly progress regardless...

Well after my "only 100g loss," post, I've continued to drop... after trying to up my food intake. It seems to have worked. I'm now 94.3kg! WOOHOO! That's 100g shy of 13kg lost all up.

I went into Terry White yesterday and got a pack of the Tony Ferguson ready-made meals... the Coconut Chicken Curry one. I've had it before so knew it was really soft and yummy. 1/2 yesterday and 1/2 today. Went down well. Might go back and get some more, maybe try some of the other flavours.

Also found some GREAT cordial... The Natural Cordial Company. So far I can only find 4 flavours, but they're awesome because they're not diet, but they're not fully sugared-up like the cottees types either. With the sleeve, I'm supposed to have diet drinks, but EW. Aspartame tastes gross and it seems to be in every diet product there is... and it has a really obvious fake taste. This new cordial I've found though, uses 100% juice to make their cordial, plus stevia to flavour it. Stevia is stuff from an African plant (or something like that) that tastes like sugar but has WAY less carbs... so basically, this cordial tastes great!

Am planning to make beef strog for dinner tonight too, but obviously a little more friendly to my current eating stage. I want to start making meals we can all eat (well, DD and myself anyway). Am going to cut up some casserole beef really finely... and I'm using tinned mushrooms because they're just softer. I do prefer fresh, but obviously, I want to make sure my tummy is still kept happy.

Also have to recommend something that is so not diet-friendly, but is just divine - Honest Charlie's. It's a brand of drinks from NZ... they're just yummy as! They've got a few different types but I LOVE their lemonades. Old fashioned and without the fizz... just so yummy. I guess it's somethnig I can have as a sleever too because it lacks the carbonation... so I've got some raspberry lemonade which I'll have a little of each day if I'm feeling like I need it. Sure, it's sugary, but given I'm not eating much with sugar, I've decided it's allowable.

I'm also planning on temporarily stopping uni work next year. I dunno, I think doing it from home is so bloody hard. It's so easy to get distracted... I need to go it in person I think, so I can't just bludge. I'm doing well, sure, but I'm finding it really hard to stick to. I've also decided I need to FINANCIALLY contribute to my family as soon as I can, and this uni degree is going to take me a long time to complete.

So the plan is to do the diploma of Beauty Therapy (having already done the Cert III in Beauty and Cert II in Make-Up, so I know what it'll be like), get a job... and maybe, especially if I have my own small business at some stage, continue my uni-work then. I know everyone who was all "yay!" about me doing uni will probably not like this news, but tbh, my goal is to be a writer of novels, and I can still do that without a degree. My degree was more aimed at other stuff anyway, like journalism and working in film... which I guess I could do if I had to, but in all honesty, it's not something I feel comfortable with as I feel you need far more self-confidence for those roles than I have.

Plus, I don't mind beauty. I quite enjoyed my previous beauty courses and would ahve worked in that area happily were it not for falling pregnant. So I want to get out of the house to study that, then get a job in that area. I feel this is what my family needs right now... and maybe later things will allow for more uni work... if I decide I want to go back to that.