Better late than never...

Well, it's been over 3 1/2 years since I had my sleeve done now, and I'm still very happy with my decision. I suppose that's partially what inspired me to come back and add something, because it's all well and good to follow the blog of someone in the honeymoon stages of being sleeved... but what about a few years later? There's the possibility of regaining the ability to binge-eat, there's potential regains in weight, potential health-related dramas... so I wanted to add a little more info about my life now, as a long-term sleever.

I'll start with the usual stats. I can't remember what my measurements were last time I checked in, but I'm fairly certain there's been no real difference.

Current weight: 67.2kg
Bust: 39 inches (99.5cm)
Waist: 27 inches (68cm)
Hips: 39 inches (99.5cm)

And, even though I loathe this measure of health, my BMI is now 26, which is JUST in the "overweight," category. I don't class myself as overweight, and not sure too many other people would either if I'm honest, so I'm not too bothered with that at all. 

I'm mostly wearing size 10 clothing in almost everything I buy, with the exception of a few items. I recently purchased a pair of jeans after never really being able to fit properly into pants (even the pairs I have owned have never fit too well) due to gaping around my lower back. Turns out I potentially just have no idea when it comes to fitting jeans, and for some peculiar reason I let the sales assistant actually assist me (I never usually allow this), and the size 10 I had on were apparently much too big. I always assumed certain crinkles were due to my lack of height but perhaps it was just I was trying on too-big jeans. So... size 8 jeans for the win.

Now, let me just address the fact that not EVERYONE will be 3.5 years post-op and be in a size 8. Some of it is due to being sleeved, some of it is due to the changes I've made in my life post-op and some of it is down to nothing but pure luck. My sleeve restriction seems to be quite strong compared to many who are as far out as me... but there are plenty of people doing just as well as I have this far along too. It's a bit of a luck of the draw issue, though I'm sure that some people have played a part in their own success, as well as their choice of surgeon and other professional helpers, that comes into it.

I've found that my health has been quite good... though I have discovered that I have low iron (very common in women in general, so the sleeve isn't necessarily to blame... though having a restricted stomach capacity would potentially limit the amount of iron I can consume) and low Vitamin K which is due to me disliking the sun and spending most of my day indoors due to choice and/or work environments. They are really the only health issues I've had to face since being sleeved, and they're fairly easily remedied if I'm honest... so the sleeve, for me at least, hasn't wreaked any havoc on my body at this point in time. It's cleared me of terrible blood pressure and has rid me of crippling plantar fasciitis, so being low on a few things (I was low on iron pre-op too, mind you) is not of great concern to me.

Naturally, I'm still very impressed with my results and very happy with my decision to have had gastric sleeve surgery.

Let's talk life though. SO MANY THING have changed for me post-op. I'm not the same person I was. Some may see this a bad thing, but for me it's only been positive.

Pre-op, I was a stay-at-home mother, who didn't work, who didn't have friends, who had just given up on a uni degree... I was fat and bored and lonely. I was shy and quiet in real life, and really had no inclination to go out and meet people. I was scared of life, scared of the reactions people might have to me and my obesity and just generally a bit of a hermit. I acted like I had given up on life and was just waiting for it to hurry along. I was also ridiculously insecure in my relationship and this would often cause fights... borne from my own lack of self-esteem.

Now, 3.5 years out, where am I?

Look, I'm not going to tell you I'm the CEO of some amazing company or anything far-fetched like that... it's not like I lost weight and became a millionaire or some such thing. Since my op though...

*I've furthered my education and gained more qualifications
*Near the end of my study, I became employed. I have been a full-time worker ever since (with the exception of 3 weeks as I ended one job and went to another).
*I became a valuable asset in both of my 2 most recent jobs, and I know that I'm currently not too far away from a promotion.
*I'm not shy! In fact, I'm considered quite assertive and dominant (though in a good way, apparently) within my workplace. Never would I consider myself dominant beforehand!
*I was independant enough (previously I've always been very reliant on others) to fully financially support my family (partner and daughter) for over a year on my own.
*I'm not insecure. Look, I have moments of insecurity, like most people, but all in all, I'm quite secure in who I am and how I look.
*I drive. Not a big one for many, but I was mid-20s before I got my license... for me, it was a huge deal.
*I have plenty of friends and while I don't have that much time to socialise, it wouldn't be a struggle to think of people to socialise with if need be.

They're just a few of the massive changes to my life since my op. They're not HUGE things, but to me, they've made a world of difference. The person I am now is so much different to the person I was, and it's been something I really regret not having done sooner. I wish I could have been this person for longer... I would have had a much easier/happier life!

Food is another thing people often wonder this far out - what can you eat? Well, what can't I eat? I can eat everything... just in small quantities.

On an average day at work I might eat...
Breakfast: Up n Go Energize on my way to work (I don't like eating in the morning, I never have)
Morning Tea: Small skinny latte
Lunch: 1/2 Sumo Salad OR 2 sushi rolls OR a small tin of tuna and crackers OR half a ham and salad pita etc.
Afternoon tea: Rarely occurs
Dinner: About 3/4 cup food.
After dinner snack: An apple OR a few cubes of chocolate OR a protein bar etc.

That's roughly my daily intake... at times it might look more like I'm living off 2 minute noodles or tinned soup or something... and other days I'll look like I'm barely eating. It really varies... but the quantities are always similar.

I suppose now, this is where I share pics. I always loved looking at before/afters pre-op and early into my op to see how far I might be able to come too, so I've always thought it important to share.

Not the best photos, but they show a difference all the same... my middle used to be 101cm. That used to be the smallest part of my torso. It's now wider than ANY part of my torso, including my bust/hips.

 Again, a side on pic that isn't perfect, but it's still a hell of a lot smaller than I used to be. Also more tanned.

My face has changed in size. Tried to choose photos from a similar angle with my head angled the same way. My boobs have certainly gone down a bit though.

Tried to get some non-selfie posed full-body shots. 

     

Bathroom selfies to show off new items of clothing have certainly changed as well. That's one thing I'm really really happy with - my figure has certainly kept some curve to it as I've lost weight. My bust has gone down quite a bit in size, but I'm really glad that I've still got my curves. 

Till next time...

Update and a Request for a Future Update...

It's been a long time since I've bothered to update this blog, and I think it's because the sleeve is a totally normal part of my life now. It's not this new cool thing that I've just discovered and am waiting to have, it's not this super-exciting thing I want to tell the world about anymore, I'm not dropping a few kg every week... so I just continue on with life as per usual, because the sleeve has become a part of normal life.

It's 2 1/2 years since I had my op done now, and what a difference it has made to my life! Yes, it's a normal part of life, but it's a new kind of normal... and my life is also a new kind of normal.

There's all the obvious changes... like my diet (I eat WAAAAAY less and WAAAAAAY better!) and my size... but then there's the other things.

Before my op, I was a SAHM on anti-depressants who liked to spend her free-time sleeping and didn't drive, and had pretty much no social life. Seriously. If I had a few hours and nobody was around, I would sleep. Now I mostly make the most of my day... and I only sleep in one day per weekend (if that). Even then, my new version of a sleep-in is much less than my pre-op version. Pre-op it was till midday-ish. Now if I last until 8.30, it's been a long sleep-in!

Now I'm a working mother, with friends, with a social life (still relatively small, given my working hours and my parental responsibilities... but it exists at least!), who drives and who hasn't been on anti-depressants for a long time.

Not only am I working, but I'm doing DAMN WELL at work. I graduated beauty college in 2012, and started working at a day spa at the end of that year. In April 2013 I started working for another salon, and am still there today, where I'm an advanced therapist who is regularly top therapist of the month. You can only do well in that kind of industry with confidence, so there's another thing my sleeve has given me.

Speaking of confidence, I think a side-effect of that is me changing my hair. Pre-op my hair was a few shades of dark and mostly long with a side-fringe (unless it grew out to be an unattractive full fringe). Looking back at my photos, this sleever business is all about hair-changes! I thought I'd share.

Pre-Op hair was like this...long and dark and that's about it.

 

Post Op Hair though?

     

 So it's mostly been short because it thinned out a bit post-op. But I've been black, brown, red, pale purple various shades of blonde and now light brown balayage (though it's a bit hard to see in that most recent pic!). 

And... I clearly have a favourite photo-pose! 

ALSO in recent news... 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so it's only 100g into the 60s, but given I've been between 71 and 73kg for over a year, I was VERY excited to see this pop up the other morning. 

I didn't think this made much of a difference to my body shape until I went to put on a skirt I hadn't worn since late last year. I think that bit of weight must have come straight from my middle.

Um... wtf?

Shocked, I took out my measuring tape to discover I'd lost about 5cm since the last time I measured (about Christmas time). Last time my measurements were 101-76-101cm and NOW they're 100-71-100cm! 

This now brings my BMI to 26 (not that I really put any faith in BMI as a measure of health), and my body fat percentage is also at the same number - 26%. 

It's certainly exciting to be losing again, though I don't deserve any real praise because I'm not sure I'm doing anything to earn it. My exercise is all unintentional and mostly due to work, and my eating habits are a little more relaxed that they have previously been, though I still focus on protein. 

Now... 

ONTO YOU! 

I need your help. I want to update next time with answers to the questions YOU WANT TO KNOW. So leave a comment, and let me know... what questions do you want answered? I want to answer all those things you've Googled about the sleeve but had difficulty getting an answer to. 

Almost 2-years-old... and the blue dress that fixed my head (somehow)

So in 4 days, my sleeve will be 2-years-old.

I haven't really changed in weight since I last posted... I seem to be maintaining, and for a while, I was quite down about that. Some sleevers have gotten so small they have to try and bulk back up again... but I've settled at 71kg. I have no doubt that if I went super-strict on diet and spent all my free time exercising, I would lose more... but that's just not something I'm willing to do at this point.

I wanted to lose weight, but I don't want to be OBSESSED with it. I had my sleeve so I could finally live life without constantly thinking about my size... and the sleeve has given me that.

Thing is, when you're part of various sleever groups and forums, and people have lost 100kg or more, you start to feel a bit disappointed in yourself because you haven't lost that much. It's irrational, because I couldn't have lost 100kg no matter what I did... I wasn't as big as some others are before the sleeve, so obviously their losses will be greater. I also think about my weight and see that some are about 55kg. I'm 15kg (well, 16kg actually) heavier than that! Sometimes, that would really bother me. Why wasn't I an itsy size 6/8?

Then I purchased a blue dress. It wasn't a particular special blue dress... it's a Glamour Bunny dress I found on eBay with a starting price of $10. Glamour Bunny is somewhat expensive and there's a design I've been lusting after for months and months... however, factor in postage from the UK (the only place I can get it from) and it'll cost me well over $200 for this one item, that may not even properly fit. Naturally, I've held back on purchasing it.

I do an eBay search every so often though, and this time, it came up with the blue dress. For $10, plus $10 postage, I figured I might as well. I had ordered a corset, so thought maybe I could wear this blue dress over the corset when they both arrived. After all, this blue dress was pretty much skin-tight, and I wasn't going to do skin-tight without something to hold all my flab in, surely?

Glamour Bunny dress: http://www.glamourbunny.co.uk/

Well, my dress arrived sooner than the corset did, so I decided to try it on anyway, just to see if it even fit at all. It was a Large, which was depressing. Large. Was I still classed a "large"? I comforted myself with the fact that I needed a large for my bust... and even then, the 38 inches they've made the bust for is 3 inches smaller than my actual bust... but I've got to a point where I've got to choose - do I want squashed boobs or a loose tummy? Generally, I'll settle for squashed boobs.

Anyway, I tried on my blue dress... and something magical happened. I know that sounds absurd, and it kind of is... but I looked in the mirror and realised: I didn't need a corset. Hell, I didn't even need basic shapewear.

Okay, so I have a little bit of a tummy... but losing weight and having a 10lbs 4oz baby will do that to you. Okay, so my body is super-smooth. Okay so I'm wearing a LARGE. 

Whatever, I thought, I'm not large, and I look damn good. I might not look PERFECT, but I finally realised - I am happy enough at this size. I'm not fat enough for people to use that as a word to describe me. At most, I think people would say I'm "average," if I'm completely honest. I'm MOSTLY a size 12, sometimes a 14 to allow for bust, and to me, that's fairly average. 

I'll never be skinny. I've never wanted to be skinny though, not really... I think the competitive side comes out when I see others ending up smaller... but rationally, "skinny," has never been something I had wanted my body to be. SkinnIER but not skinny. 

I also have curves - and while some skinny girls achieve that, many do not. I'm happy that I've got a shapely body, and am quite satisfied with the fact that my waist is 12 inches smaller than both bust and hip... and you know what? I don't need to be skinny, I can feel awesome being curvy and average-sized and with a bit of fat. 

Don't get my wrong, I'm not going to love my body every day of my life. I'll still have my moments. I do think though, I'm mostly going to be content as I am. There's things I want to change - I want a fleur de lis tummy tuck, a thigh lift, a breast lift and an arm lift. That's a lot of skin-removal... and while I want it done, I don't think it's going to be life-shattering if it doesn't end up happening... and that's a really nice place for me to be mentally, and it's somewhere I've not been before.

And... just because I mentioned the corset, I HAD to share the results of that thing! I purchased it from Orchard Corset and it's a CS-426 . It's an underbust, since I knew an overbust might mean it won't fit properly, and even on my first attempt putting it on (without assistance, mind you, which was quite difficult... lol), I noticed a huge difference to my shape. 

Anyway, I shared this little moment with my sleever friends in groups I'm a part of, but thought it very appropriate to add here, especially since I've neglected the blog so much. 

That's mostly due to life. Rather, the life the sleeve has given me. Pre-sleeve, it was all about being "too fat for that." I may have mentioned before that the reason I hadn't done my beauty diploma sooner was the fear of having to strip down in front of other girls. Well, as you guys know I completed that diploma last year... complete with communal showering. It was no big deal... and the sleeve gave me that. 

I'm now working full-time as not only a beauty therapist, but an advanced beauty therapist. That probably means very little to those not in the industry, or even those in it who work for places that don't have "levels" of therapist, but where I'm currently working (I quit the day spa in April) I've been pushed up the ranks very quickly indeed. There are 3 levels of therapist, and I'm now right at the top. Out of about 13 girls, only 3 of us are advanced therapists - the other 2 having been in the company for years and years. I think the confidence I got from having lost weight, not having my weight as an excuse to just not bother trying... well, I was able to climb that ladder and become an advanced therapist without even trying. I'm very happy that I'm doing quite well in my new career. 

I'm also not only the lightest I've been in my life in terms of weight, but in hair colour. A trip to the hairdressers recently resulted in me deciding to go lighter. It's a gradual process, given I'm so dark naturally... but here's how it's looking so far after 2 sessions lightening and toning... 

Not perfect... but neither am I.

Another uneventful entry...

So my sleeve is about 17.5 months old now, and life is pretty much normal. Yes, I don't eat like I did pre-op and I never will, but it's been long enough since my op for life as a sleever to become something that is just normal, not strange. Well, I guess occasionally I'll look at my pitiful portions and think, "I can't believe this is all I can eat!" but mostly, it's just something I'm used to.

Perhaps the hardest thing now is eating at work. I'm working at the day spa several days a week, and get a 1/2 hour lunch break each shift. 1/2 hour is nice for a break, but not so much for lunch. I'm finding that instead of eating during my lunch break, I eat a bite here and there whenever I can. It works out well for me, but it can sometimes be difficult... it means I'm not really eating much at all. If I am only give officially 1/2 hour over a course of 8 hours to eat, that's really very little food I'm consuming. So if I have a spare 10 mins, I'll try to get something in, because I know I won't eat much otherwise... and given that some of it is quite physical (massaging a man built like a gorilla for an hour is hard enough... some days I have 4 of them in a row, and damn it's tough!), I really feel that I've GOT to make sure I'm eating.

Speaking of eating, I decided to do a before/after shot of food, mostly so I could see how much I was eating per meal these days. I didn't eat out of the measuring cup in the pic. lol.

I dished myself up a bit less than a cup of spaghetti (full of fresh tomatoes, carrots, zucchini and onion, herbs, mince and wholegrain penne, with a little cheese on top, so not TOO bad health-wise!), and when I was done there was about 1/3 of a cup left, so I ate a little less than 2/3 of a cup. 

I've also been thinking more and more about plastic surgery. Some fellow sleevers have mentioned it being "reconstructive," and while that's somewhat true, my skin overhang isn't nearly as bad as some end up with, so I'm not sure anyone would class it as reconstructive. Who knows. Regardless, it looks like I'll end up about $5000 out of pocket for each op. There are 4 things I'm considering - tummy tuck, breast lift, thigh lift (upper thigh only) and arm lift. I'm honestly not sure I'll want to do them all though, so trying to figure out what's most important. Right now, I'm thinking maybe arms and thighs. My stomach is destroyed anyway, it will never see the light of day regardless, so is there really a point to doing that? I suppose after I have more kids my mind might change, but right now, I'm thinking that maybe it can just be left alone. 

My arms are nice and gross, I don't like them. Same with my upper thighs. So I think they're probably most likely to get done. 

My boobs... well, I'd like them to be fuller (not so empty) but they still look nice in a bra, and it's not like I've gone down heaps of cup sizes so they're really really empty. In fact, I've gone from a 20E to a 12G (was fitted yesterday), so technically not shrunk much at all in that area. 

Strangely enough, watching Mad Men has helped me stop stressing about my belly. Christina Hendricks is stunning. Her curves are amazing. Yet, I notice, in her little wiggle dresses when she's side-on, she has a small belly... like I do. If I think she's stunning... if other people find her stunning...then her little belly can't be too horrible can it? 

Well, I've decided if she can do it, so can I. So I have. Apart from my new Collectif sarong dress in the previous entry, I've just scored myself a Hell Bunny Desperado Pencil Dress, that is, pretty much, skin-tight. I have a little belly, but I've decided that so what? I also have curves that I didn't have pre-op (or I did, they were just less extreme)... so I'm going to dress how I want, and since I love wiggle dresses, I'm going to wear them regardless of my little belly sag/fat. 

This is my lovely new dress, and something that I MUST brag about is the size. Now Hell Bunny is quite generous, and the dress does offer a little stretch... so don't think I'm delusional in thinking that I am now this size... but... this dress is a SMALL. It's all I could get my hands on, all other sizes were sold out... so looking at the measurements and knowing there was a stretch-panel in the back of the bust, I decided to risk it. It arrived today, and it fits. 

I am over the moon... partly because it's a small, and partly because I've decided to embrace my little belly and wear wiggle dresses regardless of it. 

That's about it from me I think...

Will I ever be happy? (and a few other random bits)

I've started to wonder if I'll ever be happy with myself.

When you're fat, you think that you'll love yourself more once you lose weight, and you do. Or at least, I do. I am happier with how I look and thus less timid, less shy. I've found that instead of focusing on weight as my major flaw though, I've started examining other parts of myself more closely, and I think if I had access to a fair bit of money, I'd be off to get more surgery.

I know that once I'm done with having children, my stomach is going to need some work done. It's nice and saggy now, and having carried a 10lbs 4oz baby for 42 weeks previously, it's not the prettiest sight. My breasts are also an area of concern for me... they look okay in a bra most of the time, but while they are still large, there's a fair bit of skin there, and they're not quite "full." I'd like to remedy that, but aren't yet sure whether I want just lift or a lift and (very small) implants. I suppose a consult with a surgeon will help clear that up. Then there's my thighs and arms. My inner thighs are not pretty and no about of additional exercise is going to improve them unfortunately. I think my arms may be slightly improved with increased exercise, but they're never going to be as small as I'd like without a trip to the plastic surgeon first.

So that's 4 operations, at least... but all of these are the result of weight lost (with my stomach being a combination of weight loss and pregnancy)... but even if my body had sprung back from weight loss without any of these things, there's other things that bother me that I've never really liked, but that have always seemed like fairly unimportant problems to me because my weight stood out much more. Now that that problem is not such a big one, these issues have increased and begun to bother me more.

My nose is perhaps my main concern. I don't like it. It's bulbous at the end and is just... big and ugly. I'd like it made cute and little. Ashlee Simpson's new nose is more to my taste. I often fantasize about getting my new nose... but what if I went through with it, and it turned out like some Michael Jackson monstrosity? And what am I teaching my daughter? On one hand, I can tell myself I'm teaching her that if you don't like yourself as you are... you're free to change yourself until you're happy. But really, what I really think I'd be teaching is, "You're never good enough until you're perfect... but you'll never be perfect because nobody is, and you'll find flaws even when nobody else does." So, hopefully, there'll be no nose-job in my future. I'll suck it up and deal with it, because my nose is my nose, and I want her to understand that she is fine the way she is.

The rest of me? I find that my thighs are uncomfortable in the Summer heat, so while work on them would be cosmetic it would also make life a bit nicer for me too... and so I am okay with that. My tummy, arms and boobs are all possibilities but I'm hoping I can at least deal with some of them without worrying too much. Regardless, I've got years left to decide, because I'm not working on anything until I've finished having children.

Another thing that I can't fix with surgery, is my waist-to-hip ratio. I've become fixated on my ratio, and want it ever-increasing. Right now my bust and hips are about equal and my waist is 10 inches smaller. I'd be thrilled if I could increase that gap though, and so am considering purchasing a lovely What Katie Did corset, in hopes of shrinking it by 4-5 inches more. Only when wearing the corset, of course, though maybe oneday I could move on to waist training and see how that goes, for slightly more permanent results. Apparently that's what Doris Mayday does, and I love her curves.

The gorgeous Doris Mayday modeling for: http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/

In other news, I got a gorgeous Collectif dress delivered from the UK recently. I was unsure as to whether or not it would fit properly, as I don't really like my tummy, but chose a sarong-style pencil-skirted dress in the hopes that the overlap might disguise my stomach a little.

I am absolutely in love with the dress. I'm in a size 12 with very little stretch, and for anyone considering a Collectif dress, I found that I could fit into their dress despite the size chart suggesting that I needed a 36inch bust to fit (mine is 40inches - or a 12FF). You couldn't fit any more into it, though I have heard their plain-coloured dresses usually have more stretch to them.

Admiring the shape the dress gave me (or rather, admiring the way the dress enhanced my own shape), I decided to compare to an old "fat" photo... and I must say, I am very very impressed by this before/after combination.

Dress on Right by Collectif: http://www.collectif.co.uk/

I'm still sitting at 71kg but am going to try and up my exercise soon and see if that can work me to under 70kg. I really need to be committed to it, and I know that right at this point in time I might not be... but I'm trying to get my head into it. I am exercising, a little, at the moment, after slacking off for a few months, but want to increase it to see improved results. I also ate way too much rubbish over Christmas, not in quantity just in quality. Too much junk food, not enough good, healthy foods, so back on the bandwagon it is! Luckily, I saw no regain as a result of my lousy eating, so I'm grateful for that.

Life is Beautiful and a pic of how much stomach is actually removed during the op!

Okay, so I promised to update about the 5 Day Pouch Test that I was planning to do... but the day after my blog post, I got on the scales and FREAKED. I was 74.something kg and I was TOTALLY not happy with that. It was clearly the result of eating too much chocolate and drinking my calories away with numerous sugary drinks, as I previously mentioned... so I knew I had to do something RIGHT AWAY.

I didn't have the cash or time to go out and buy a whole lot of protein-heavy items to do the pouch test, so I just replaced all sugary drinks with water, ate more lean protein, had fruit and veg instead of other snacks, and lowered my carb intake altogether. Well, it worked well. I was back at 71kg after a few days.

Right now I have no idea what I am, I haven't weighed for a while, but my guess is pretty much the same as it was when last I weighed.

In other news... I have a job! I've been applying for every damn beauty job I could realistically take, and in one day, while sitting around waiting for a wax and a tan (for a fellow student to perform on me, as practice, at her new job), I logged onto the Seek App and applied for some others. While I was waiting I got a phonecall for a job interview, and then later an eMail requested a job interview the next day.

I never made it to the 2nd interview, because I got the first job I interviewed for. I was really happy, because now I'm working at a day spa, rather than just a salon. It sounds more prestigious I suppose, but it's mostly that the focus is different. Spas have to offer hydrotherapy treatments to be labelled as such, which mine does, but they tend to offer more pampering treatments, than results-driven salons, and that's what I prefer. I had my first 2 clients on Saturday, doing two 60min full body Swedish massages, and I have another client booked in tomorrow for a few different treatments as well. I'm kind of spending a lot of time on reception too, just getting a feel for the place (I was on reception all day today), but I'm loving it already!

I also passed my diploma, and am officially qualified as a beauty therapist now. I've also done some make-up work for a girl in a band... I can't post photos here, because she hasn't released me to do so... but by god do I wish I could! It was very exciting to be involved in a professional photo shoot with a photographer and a studio and such... with the photos now being made into band posters, that are already being sold, but will continue to be sold next year when the band supports Wolfmother!

We also had our graduation party on the weekend, and while I'm still not terribly confident on my own, I'm more confident than I used to be before the sleeve... and when that increased confidence is combined with alcohol... well, let's just say I was gangnam-dancing my backside off in front of EVERYONE and even allowing myself to be recorded doing it. lol. I had a great time, but I was also really impressed with some of the photos...

That last one reminded me of a pose I did in another photo last year, pre-sleeve... so I combined it to see the difference. And yes, I wore my wig for some of the night. I brought it along, and of course, as the night wore on, people told me to put it on... and eventually, others tried on the wig too... while completely drunk... so that made for quite an amusing activity. lol. It also meant some lovely photos of me in my wig-cap...

Previously, photos (and videos) taken of me doing stupid stuff would be something that brought great horror and dread. Now I don't even care that there's a video of me somewhere on Facebook dancing Gangnam Style with a wig on. People are likely to judge and laugh and mock, sure, but it seems to matter less when you don't really care what they think anymore. There will be times when I'm feeling a little bit down and therefore touchy and hurt by this kind of thing, but it's MUCH LESS frequent than it was pre-sleeve. I think the fact that I know that it's unlikely they're laughing at me because I'm fat makes things easier. I'm not skinny, I know that, and I never expect to be... but I still find great comfort in the fact that "fat" is probably not one of the first words that comes to mind when people think of ways to describe me.

Life has just improved dramatically since I've had the sleeve. I've gained a qualification, gotten a job, made a lot of great friends, gained a social life... and while of course it's not directly linked to the sleeve, weight loss has allowed me to do it all, which is the result of the sleeve. I wouldn't have done my course if I hadn't have lost weight - the idea of getting body wraps at over 100kg was too much for me, which is why I never did it sooner. Making friends sucked when you knew they were all gorgeous beauties and you'd just be "the fat friend." Plus, it's hard to want to go out and be social when you know random people would be watching, laughing at "that fat girl," doing whatever it is you're doing. Getting a job is harder too... partly because people are judgemental about size, but also because you're too busy being paranoid that they're going to judge you based on that, so you don't bother based on the fear of facing that. 

And... I know this totally doesn't fit into the post, but I had to share it. It's not MY STOMACH... it's the stomach of a sleever friend, that she gave permission for me to share here. Basically, it's the portion of her stomach that was removed. It's filled with air, which is why it's looks so solid, and not all soft and squishy, but it did WOW me to see just much stomach is removed. Every sleever will have a similar amount removed, even if not exactly the same.

Now it makes it obvious why I can eat so little, and why I used to be able to eat so much. That's a LOT of stomach they've removed!

Weight loss stand-still, Swimwear shopping and the 5 Day Pouch Test

I'm still sitting at the same weight, but I think I know why.

Well, one big fat reason would be that I've pretty much ceased exercise for now. I'm almost at the end of my course and so I've been doing lots of assignments and guide books, which is occupied a lot of my free time. I'm also preparing for practical assessment which begins this week. I'm confident I'll easily pass Spa Treatments (body wraps, etc), Diathermy (using electrically-charged needles to cauterize spider veins), Body Treatments (mostly electronic body treatments... like EMS/body faradic to tone muscles, body galvanic to fight cellulite, etc) and Microdermabrasion, but am a bit worried about Hot Stone Therapy Massage and Indian Head Massage because I've got to remember the routine off by heart, and my brain isn't one that likes to remember things. So been trying to get it to remember that.

Apart from pretty much abandoning exercise for now, I've realised I can drink soft drink and am being terrible and drinking it. I really need to stop, but find it very hard to, especially as it's getting hotter and everyone keeps offering it to me. So, that's another plan - to kick that by Christmas time. I don't care if I have the occasional soft drink, but I am drinking it too often. Still only maybe twice weekly, but that's more than I need it.

Obviously, the fact that I am so close to a healthy weight doesn't help either. My body is struggling, and wanting to cling to those last remaining kilos for dear life, so I know I'm going to absolutely work my butt off to get rid of them... and I guess that right now, I'm just not up to doing that. So long as I maintain though, and not regain, I should be okay.

Anyway, despite having lost 36kg on this journey, sometimes shopping is still... well... horrible. It's not the being fat that bothers me, it's the loose skin. The sagging, loose skin. It's particularly terrible on my inner thighs. Yes, my stomach is hideous and my arms aren't nice, but I'm okay with that. My arms don't bother me too much, and my stomach is something that was destroyed the moment I became a mother thanks to a big baby and lots of stretchmarks, so I gave up the hope for a decent stomach long ago. It's hot legs that I wanted, but unfortunately, the insides of them are just so incredibly saggy that they ruin my mood. Thus, shopping for swimwear was... well... somewhat torturous.

Add to that my boobs. They have shrunk in size (they're not and kind of "empty" now too), yet because they didn't lose as much as my back did, I'm a bigger cup size. Back before I lost weight, my bra size would have been a 20E. If you chopped off my breasts as they are right now, and put them back on my old body, I'd be a 20D... so I'd still have lost 2 cup sizes... but with a much smaller back size, they're now a 12FF. Which just... well, it's just not compatible with most swimwear.

We headed to the beach a few weeks ago though, and I knew I had to find something the day before. I was so fortunate to find that Bras n Things had a sale on. I wasn't hoping to find anything in a 12FF, but I wanted something that was decent enough to squish myself into. I can't do department store swimwear... and I was thinking I'd have to end up buying internationally online from Bravissimo.

Instead, I scored some swimwear which I could sort of squish my boobs into - a 12E bikini top and a little skirted bottom to cover my saggy thighs! YAY!

Last year I actually got some swimwear that I'm sure I posted about too. This is pretty much the same deal, in reverse, and instead of a tankini it's simply a bikini that I'll wear with a tight black singlet to cover my stomach. I thought it might be fun to compare last year to this year...

Last year's swimwear....

This year's swimwear.

See? Pretty much the same (spots in reverse). I wanted a red and white style instead, but they didn't have a top I could squish into in stock, and I needed it immediately, so just went with black and white instead. I don't think I actually look that much smaller than last year, but I suppose that's maybe 10-15kg lighter between the two.

And just because I found it while adding those photos... I found another picture of swimwear I was going to originally get... and I think this one shows a greater difference between my previous size and my current one...

I also have another pic I want to share, because... well, because I love my new purchase. lol. I purchased a wig, mostly to see how I looked with lighter hair. I want to go light brown, but was unsure how it would look, and I know it's going to cost me a lot of money to get my hair from where it is now to a light brown... and I figured I'd just see how I actually looked with that colour first. Ordered a wig online, made from kanekalon which is apparently a good synthetic fibre because it doesn't give off that Barbie shine that other synthetic wigs do. It was super cheap, but I am just in love with it. I haven't worn it anywhere, and I look like an utter bimbo in it, but oneday I'll work up the nerve to go out in it.

So... I think once my hair gets longer again, I'm going light brown.

In other news, since hitting the 12 month post-op mark, I've been able to eat much more. Not in a sitting so much as... snacking. I can snack all day long... just snack in tiny little bits... I try to avoid it, but sometimes, I just do it. Old habits die hard, I suppose. The restriction is just less these days. It's still there - I still couldn't eat what a normal person could, not a chance... but I can eat way more than I could in the first few months.

A fellow sleever shared this with me - a 5 day pouch test. Apparently it can show you that you still have restriction. You basically do a 5-day restrictive eating thing, and by the end of it, your restriction somewhat reappears. A sleever friend has done it, and says it works... and it's only 5 days. After re-feeding myself for 6 weeks post-op, I think 5 days will be a simple slog, so I'm going to give it a go. The aim is to start next Monday... so Monday and Tuesday I can be on liquids, at home, to make life easier.

The 5 Day Pouch Test can be found here, for anyone interested: http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html

I'll update during/after I've done it, to let you all know my experiences with it. If it does nothing, well, it's no real loss, and as most of it is pretty much protein, it may help kickstart a little more weightloss. Who knows?