Why Protein? (and non-superficial reasons for wanting to lose weight)

Okay, so, I'm getting that some people who read this blog don't really understand that eating post-op is different to eating to lose weight without having had the sleeve.

The dietician has told me - protein first... anything else comes if I still have room. Without protein, my muscles could perhaps be "eaten" by my body and obviously that's not what I need or want. So things like lean meats, low-fat cheese and yoghurt, eggs, etc... they're all what I've got to get into me. It goes against general weight loss plans I know... but it's what I'm required to have apparently.

The first two weeks after my op was more about actually getting SOMETHING in... but I hadn't seen my dietician yet and had to go with what info my surgeon gave me which turned out to be quite different from what my dietician suggested. Week 1 and 2 was low-fat milk, milkshakes, custard (I don't like this so didn't have any), protein shakes, strained soups with no lumps, Up n Go, then things like juice, water, berocca, sports drinks, etc. Just drinks really. That was easy enough to stick to as I couldn't handle anything else really.

After that, I had a pureed diet for 1 week. That was eggs (mashed) or microwavable porridge, pureed tinned fruit, yoghurt (low-fat), blended meat or veg, soups (strained). Add sauce to make some things "wetter" and therefore easier to swallow. She also suggested cruskits with some dip or lite cream cheese... the dip/cream cheese to get it down easier and the cruskit for texture (being crunchy, you get to chew, but as you do, it dissolves).

Then this week, it's called "Minced and Moist," on the handout I have basically says to have mostly protein. I can also have eggs, cheese, mashed veges, soups, toast and all the other things I mentioned above. Most things to be served with gravy or other sauces to help them go down easier.

While most diets tend to say "eat salads," or whatever, you just can't. At this stage, I'm not even allowed to eat fresh fruit and veg.

So what do I eat in a day?

Well, today I ate...

1/2 tub low-fat yoghurt
Some egg on toast
Meatballs (3) made with lean mince and mixed with grated veg baked in passata with a little melted low-fat cheese on top. 
Water, Diet Cordial

I am to eat a maximum of 3/4 cup of food per meal. That's FOR NOW. In future, this amount could grow... but at this stage, that is how much I'm allowed to eat per sitting.

That's all I can really stomach, but I've got to get as much protein in as I can, so I make sure that the majority of what I'm eating is protein. Obviously the toast wasn't high in protein - that was mostly for texture and to get the egg down as I don't like egg on its own.

Anyway, I do hope that this helps some people to understand how this diet works for those who have had the sleeve.

Yes, I have fucked up a few times (with my 3 or so french fries, the brie I munched on and probably some other things too), but if I didn't have an issue with food, then I wouldn't have needed this surgery to begin with.

I've seen my dietician. I'll see her again late October. I see my surgery again mid-October. I plan to organise to see my psychologist again soon - not having food to rely on to self-medicate has meant I'm left with issues I cannot deal with at all... because I don't know how to tackle them without eating them away. So will definitely need help there. I'm waiting until after the school holidays to get a referral from my GP however - I don't want to have DD listen in on that appointment.

There are also other things I haven't posted - like the fact that I am looking forward to being able to do things with my daughter. It's much easier to focus on the superficial benefits... it involves less emotion than to acknowledge that my weight problems have meant that I cannot run around with my daughter when she wants me to. Or that she doesn't get to ride her bike often because I have to walk along behind her, and tire quickly, or get sore feet quickly... or she outrides me and has to stop and wait for me every few seconds... and if I was smaller, I would ride with her but can't because my arse swallows bike seats and they hurt like hell and I can hardly walk after - same reason I have difficulty with the exercise bike.

Also, I will have less risk of having a heart attack - something I could easily have with my current blood pressure problems which are still unmedicated thanks to doctors being reluctant to put me on medication due to my age... and yes, I have seen a few GPs about this and they're all like that. I am on a waiting list for a cardiac scan of some sort too. The less weight I am carrying, the less likely this will be a huge concern for me. Same with diabetes - both maternal grandparents had diabetes and while my blood sugar levels have always been fine, I've always felt it's only a matter of time. I do not want to go blind, or lose my limbs because of diabetes. I don't even want to think about diabetes - I want to be smaller and therefore less at risk of these horrible things, things that run in my family, but things that are more likely if I'm obese.

I want to be able to run. I know that might not be a great idea unless I can find an awesome sports bra, but I want to be able to do it anyway. I want to race my daughter when she tells me to. It's always, "Mum, I'll race you home!" and I always say, "Sorry honey, Mummy can't race..." and I feel like the worst parent ever. She has no siblings to do this shit with - and even I can't do it because I'm too fucking fat.

I just want to live my life and do the things I want to do without having my weight stopping me. Even just small things... I have so many things that I won't do because that's "not something fat people do." So I want to lose weight, to live my life how I want to, not live it according to what I'm restricted to doing. I want to not spend my entire life angry with myself because I'm fatter, or frustrated because I'm losing weight but it means I'm living on rabbit food to do so, or trying some stupid fad diet and wondering what kind of health problems I'm risking by doing it.

I even feel too fat to get a job. I'm embarrassed to apply for jobs, because I'm too scared of going to an interview and being judged for being fat. I want a job so badly... and I keep saying to DP that once I've lost a bit more weight and have my new car, then I will be trying to get a job ASAP.

I don't know WHY I care so much about what others think of me and how I look... I just do, and I hate it. I don't want to care. I don't want to even care what I look like. I don't want worrying about my size to stop me from doing things I want to do - which it does, all the time.

Anyway... I'm rambling, as per usual... but that's my diet, why my diet has to be like that, and also some of my non-superficial reasons for wanting to lose weight.