Keeping the sleeve to yourself or not... and why I'm okay with not losing another kg for another year...

I think the time has come where my body has decided it's not particularly interested in losing anymore weight... so now, I'm going to have to work really hard for it.

At this point in time, I'm doing Zumba 3 times a week, and do weights/use a resistance band 4-5 times a week... but I might have to up that a little bit, and make sure to not overindulge in sugar - I get most of my sugar from drinks, as plain water feels quite heavy and uncomfortable in my tummy most days, and so I have cordial or juice or something instead. Previously, I had a lot of coke, and now I can't handle the fizz... so I've replaced it with juice or iced teas or whatever... all too full of sugar. I may have to go get myself some diet cordial now though if I want to see these kilos shift. (And if you're looking for a good diet cordial, it's expensive, but Tony Ferguson do a lovely powdered diet cordial. It doesn't have that artificial sweetner taste and has some yummy flavours).

I'm also not too bothered about my weight at the moment. I'm sitting at 76kg. No more, no less. While I'd LOVE to see those scales say 75 (even if it was 75.9! lol), I figure I'm at an acceptable weight now. I'm still overweight - jeez, I'm only JUST out of the obese category according to BMI... but I feel that if people were describing me, "fat" wouldn't be the instant go-to. In fact, I think people wouldn't even really call me that anymore and perhaps just call me "chubby." Previously, I think my most defining factor was how big I was... people would use that if they were trying to describe me I'm sure... "Oh, you know... that FAT GIRL/LARGE GIRL/BIG GIRL etc... with the dark hair..." or something. But my size coming first, because it made me stand out from others. Now, I actually think that some other things might be just as descriptive... maybe "that girl with the big boobs," or "the one who wears retro dresses," or "that girl with the dark hair and fringe." I think they'd all be used over my size, because my size has kind of become less noticable. I'm not skinny, not even "average," but I'm close enough to average for it not to be so obvious. That, of course, makes me happy.

Also, my blood pressure is normal. I'm no longer a heart-attack waiting to happen, and so for that, I have no reason to make sure I continue to lose. I want to lose more, sure, but it's not a big deal if I don't, or if I take a long time to lose more weight. My size is no longer something I think people would mock me about, and my health has improved... so weight loss is no longer as essential as it previously was. Just moving around is easier... though I have found I still expect myself to take up more room than I currently do, and also find that sometimes I'll sit in positions made uncomfortable because there's less padding. lol.

Perhaps the thing that's hardest though, is socialising with new people when food and drink is involved. People think I'm being modest and ladylike in my small portions and encourage me to eat up. If I say I'm sick, they stay away from me and wonder why I've come and risk infecting everyone else... if I say I've had a big lunch they seem to look at me skeptically... if I say anything, to be honest, the answer doesn't seem acceptable. It's also really hard to explain why you're not accepting their offers of coke, lemonade, etc. They'll offer me coffee etc too, but I don't drink that... and while I would drink coke, I find it pretty impossible to get down, especially while it's still cold... it just doesn't seem worth it. Or I do accept, and then just let the drink sit there, while they encourage me to drink up before it gets warm. People pay so much attention to what you're consuming, I wonder why.

I know I do it though. I think if I noticed someone wasn't eating, I'd wonder why. Going by the way my brain automatically finds negatives in things, I'd probably assume it was something to do with my cooking... but even so, most people seem to pay attention to what others eat, and it can be really hard as a sleever to explain your way out of these situations. A once-off BBQ is easy enough. They might not believe your reasons, but they don't actually care too much... so it's not a big deal. Once you have meals with them regularly though, they're going to notice and they're going to completely ignore your pathetic reasons as to why, and start coming up with their own answers. It's in these situations that I just tell people. I'd rather them judge me for what I've done (had the sleeve) than judge me for some reason that's not even true (perhaps they notice my lack of eating and my weight loss, and assume it must be due to anorexia).

People also get preachy. They learn you've lost weight. "Wow, 31kg huh? In how long...?" and then start adding it up and depending on how much you've lost in what space of time, they assume you've done so in an unhealthy way. This happened recently at school... a fellow student waxing my inner thighs commented that I'd lost 30kg (explaining how saggy they were, I assume... lol. I wasn't offended... she was trying to diplomatically ask how to deal with waxing an area that was so soft and jiggly...). The instructor asked how long it took, and then started calculating that in her mind... she then said... "well, they normally say it's healthy to lose about 500g a week..." (Beauty Therapists do a unit on nutrition) and I could tell she was trying to suggest I had perhaps gone about it the wrong way, without even knowing how I'd done it. I just said, "I had surgery." I didn't really want to let it out, but I could see her about to lecture me about healthy ways to lose weight, and I just wasn't interested.

So, sometimes, lol, it's actually easier to let people know. It shuts them up, and makes them more understanding. Of course, many will judge you too. To your face they'll be all, "Wow, that's interesting," but later on will bitch about how you took the easy way out, cheated, etc. I guess that's something you have to deal with as a sleever though, and in some ways, it's not too hard to deal with as people judge you as a fat person too... it's okay, for example, for a size 8 girl to binge on McDonalds... but the moment you, a fat person, do it, you deserve mockery and disgust. It's also a lot easier to cop criticism when you've had the sleeve, because it works. People can comment all they want, but the fact is, you'll lose weight and become healthier... so their comments don't hurt as much as when you're binging on fatty foods and they're criticising... because in that case, they're saying something you already know on the inside (that binging is a bad idea).

Another reason I don't like to keep this info to myself is because I hope that people will perhaps consider the surgery for themselves, or be better educated about the surgery if someone in their lives has it, or perhaps stop thinking about the lapband and think about the sleeve instead. I want people to be aware of this surgery as an option. So many people could benefit from this life-changing surgery, and so I've decided that, in a way, it's kind of my duty to not keep hush-hush about it. If someone asks me how I lost weight, I will USUALLY tell them... I will DEFINITELY tell them if they have weight issues themselves. I'm not going to pretend I somehow found the inner strength to fight all my demons and lose weight on my own because that's a crock. I didn't. I want to say, "Hey, I did this... and as you can see, it's worked wonders for me..." and perhaps they might think, "Oh... well, it might be something to consider for myself then..."

I've recieved the eMails and such from people who've followed this blog, my youtube channel or just seen me on forums mentioning my surgery... who've got plenty of questions to ask or thank me for helping them to choose the sleeve for themselves, etc. It's really worth it... to know that you've helped others. Because of others generous enough to share their journey, I came to this decision for myself and made the best decision I've ever made by having the gastric sleeve. It's why I don't want to keep quiet about it. I'm not saying that you're a bad person if you do - self-preservation is very important - it's just how I feel about this. Others sharing helped me, so I feel like maybe I should share in order to perhaps help others.

I suppose it's up to you whether or not you tell people, I just wanted to talk about my experiences. Yes, people will be jerks. People are jerks about this blog sometimes as I mentioned in the previous entry... but most people won't be jerks to your face about it. They'll make snide comments when you're not around, so you'll only know if you overhear or someone repeats it back to you later. Criticism also hurts far less when you're actually seeing the payoff from your decision - I'm losing, my BP is normal... therefore their words sting far less because I have the proof that this was a fantastic decision.

This has been quite a boring entry, I know. lol. It's hard to talk about the sleeve this far out though, when life is somewhat back to normal. It's mostly normal, though as I said above, social situations involving food can become a bit difficult to manage at times...