Sometimes, you just have bad body-hating days... even after the sleeve...

After god knows how long being 75.something or 76.something depending on day, I finally saw a SEVENTY FOUR on the scales yesterday. 74.9kg, but meh. It was still 74. Hopefully it'll continue going down again...

Anyway, I'm mostly in a sour mood lately because I am so annoyed at excess skin. I believe I've offered photos of this before... I can't remember... but either way, I hate it. Excess skin ruins everything. I could probably fit nicely into swimwear, for example... but I have saggy inner thighs which are a hideous joke. I have saggy arms. I have a saggy belly. Today, especially, the saggy belly has been ruining my mood.

I so want to wear pencil skirts. I don't know for how long, but I used to watch old movies, and in old movies, sexy girls wear pencil skirts and little tight woollen "sweaters," with their bullet bras underneath. The top half I couldn't care less about,but I have always longed to wear a sexy pencil skirt.

Well, today I gave it a go and purchased one. I wasn't wearing shapewear when I tried it on, and noticed a bit of a belly, but thought it didn't much matter because I'd pop on some shapewear and it'd solve all my worries. Except it didn't. *sigh*

Now not all of my belly is skin, I know this. Some of it is still fat... but it's the saggy fleshy jiggly bit that gives me the shits, rather than the fatty bit. The fatty parts I can hope with, but the saggy parts that just hang have really irked me.

Front on, I thought I looked fine. Side on... I wanted to cry.

I do suspect I may have slightly unrealistic unexpectations. I think I see a pencil skirt and hot shoes and think of something like this:

 Of course though, I am not Doris Mayday, nor will I ever be... but I guess that doesn't my head from having a little bit of a tanty when I realise that I do not look at all like she does in a pencil dress/skirt. lol. Perhaps I need a girdle or a corset. Actually, Georgina who runs the blog Fuller Figure Fuller Bust is gorgeous and fuller-figured (hence the name, obviously), but managed to look rocking in a lot of pinup gear, including really tight-fitting items. I know she'll wear corsets occasionally, so perhaps that's what I need! One like this: What Katie Did Morticia corset.

 So, I've decided that when I've lost all the weight I want to lose and when I've had all the children I'm going to have, I'm going to have a tummy tuck. Previously I've seen them on American makeover TV shows and thought they looked really weird and unnatural, but a few sleevers have been kind enough to share their pics after their tummy tucks, and they look great... so it's something I'm aiming for. Apparently it's something you may be able to get in the public system too... but in all honesty, I don't even care about that. I just want it done. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen for some time because lord knows when I'll finally be done having babies.

So while I was planning on wearing some sexy shoes and a pencil skirt out this weekend, I now have to go shopping and get something else. Luckily, there's a Trash Monkey store in the same suburb as where I'll be staying Saturday night (going to the Gold Coast for a girl's night out), so I'm hoping I can just score something there. I'm after a Hell Bunny dress... a darker coloured one. 

Anyway, I don't even know what this blog post is really about... just letting you know that even after weight loss, you'll still have days when you feel like a hideous beast, and everyone will think you're insane. I know people who are bigger than me are probably like, "Wtf?" when I complain about how I look in the pencil skirt, but I suppose I am one of those people who will never be happy with myself. Something I really ought to work on. Just a warning sleevers-to-be... losing weight doesn't make you love yourself automatically. I find it a lot EASIER to love myself now, but I still have moments where I think I look repulsive.

Anyway, I am hoping a new dress tomorrow will make me feel much better, and if I am somehow lucky enough to get some sort of positive male attention when I go out, all the better! At least I'll be worth looking at, rather than being, once again, "the fat friend of the hot girl." It would be nice to be acknowledged for more than simply being the fat person who makes a pretty girl look ever more appealing.