So, 32kg down and I do expect it's going to take a while to lose anymore and get lower still... I can't get under 75kg at this point in time. Still, I'm about 7.5 months out, and I'm happy with that.

I've also found out my body fat percentage... something my dietician was working with (along with waist measurement) rather than BMI. My waist is 78cm, but my body fat percentage is about 29% now, which is "acceptable." My lean body weight (so, minus fat) is about 53-ish kg. I'm assuming that means that the only way I'd ever get to 53kg or below, I'd have to lose muscle mass... or a limb or something. I think my original body fat percentage was about 41%-ish (and that was taken when I was about 1.5 weeks post-op). So 29% is kinda awesome... it means that roughly 22kg of my body is fat... which I'd like to lessen, but I'm not terribly concerned with 22kg of fat. It's not like I can get rid of all of it anyway. I think under 31% for women is good...

One thing I'm worried about though, is not my size so much as my shape. As I said previously, my boobs haven't really shrunk... and they're looking a bit freakish for my liking. I'm also really hating them with Winter coming up, because they've got plenty of awesome 60s-inspired clothes out... lots of tweed and houndtooth and wool coats and dresses and skirts... but while I am absolutely in love with the dresses, I simply cannot pull them off. Apart from the fact that high necked dresses just do me no favours, they don't even fit. They pull tight across my bust and gape at the armholes... and then are too baggy on the waistline and look terribly unflattering. I'm really quite heartbroken that a Portmans dress didn't fit properly... it was gorgeous. I just have to add a photo, because I love it, even though I will never wear it (it looked lovely on the woman working in the store too...damn her! lol).

The colour is amazing. It's a bit less pink and a bit more purply pink in the store... like a deep cerise colour.

Anyway, despite realising that I simply cannot wear any sort of 60s-inspired dress this season, there are PLENTY of 60s-inspired above-the-knee skirts that I can't wait to buy. Why above the knee? Well, because I can now. My knees are still far from the kind you'd want to show off, but they're also much better than they were previously, and I can now fit into boots as I think I mentioned last time. Some flat boots with a 60s skirt... and if I can find some suitable jackets and such... I think I could look 60s enough (minus the high necklines). My daughter has a gorgeous 60s mod dress too, and I couldn't get over how stunning she looks in it. 60s is definitely a good choice for Winter!

In other news, I was recently asking a fellow sleever about her tummy tuck. She had one after losing an incredible amount of weight, and it's something I'm semi-considering for the future. It's not something I'll do until I'm sure I've finished having children, so this is something that wouldn't happen until a long time down the track... but I'm still curious. Another sleever commented that I didn't need it... but seriously, with any amount of decent weight loss, I think you end up with loose skin. You can do some things to try and tighten, but loose skin is loose skin... and it's all about elasticity and such, and there's not much that can be done to save some areas.

This is a down-side to weight loss in general, not just the sleeve... but it is something worth considering, as if you've got HEAPS to lose, you may find you require some surgical assistance if you want it to go away. I see it as a punishment for ever getting fat in the first place. My stomach sag is most obvious when I'm leaning forward.... it hangs terribly. It's also the result of a 10lbs 4oz baby who took up residence in my uterus for 42 weeks... so was a bit icky anyway, but it's gotten worse since losing. Prepare for some icky pics of my worst areas for loose skin...

That's my thigh... the inner part of it. I'm holding my leg out... at an angle to the side (the camera is held at a bit of an odd angle). That's to show just how much sag my inner thigh now has.

Sorry for it being so blurry... it was hard to lean and show you the damage. Upright, it looks a bit jiggly and wobbly... but when I leave over... it full hangs. You can see where it detaches from my body and just sags. I wonder how much thinner I might be around my middle without this.

So yeah, sag happens with weight loss. It's a bit gross, but unless you're really lucky, please expect if you embark on a weight loss journey. That's only 32kg gone... imagine if you had a lot more to lose.

Now, despite my sag, my body is still shrinking, and I have a size 12 pair of Target jeans (Hot Options ones) from a few years back. I wanted them in a bigger size... tried them on but there was some fault in the pair I tried, so grabbed another from the rack. Well, I accidentally grabbed a size 12 (label on jeans was 12, but label on hanger was 16 or whatever it was I was after at the time - this is back in 2008... and I got to 83kg due to starvation after a relationship breakdown).

Anyway, for whatever reason, I just kept the jeans instead of returning them. I never fit into them though, but last week, I hadn't done the washing so I had run out of clothes (unless I wanted to iron, which I didn't), so went in search of something I could put on. Found the jeans and decided to give them a go...

And there they are, size 12 jeans and no muffin top! My saggy belly doesn't look too great in pants, so I didn't really like the way my lower stomach looked... but meh. They were size 12, they fit easily. That was all that mattered. lol.

I've also been continuing with the weights and zumba and such... but not sure I've seen much improvement. A bit disappointing, but I suppose it's improving my overall health anyway.

In regards to diet, I've been looking at the Celebrity Slim recipes (and will soon try the Tony Ferguson ones too). They're low fat, low calorie and low carb... which is a pretty good choice for sleevers. Haven't done a before and after food shot for a bit...so here you go...

The recipe is "Sticky Pork with Asian Greens," from the Celebrity Slim page. It's mostly just char sui on the pork fillet, some garlic and giner and a tiny bit of char sui with the veges (which are bok choy, sugar snap peas and snowpeas) with a bit of corriander on top and a lemon wedge. Quite fresh tasting... very yummy. As you can see, I managed about 4 bits of the pork, and not all of my veges. I served rice with everyone elses.

I'd say it's a great one for those able to have solid foods again after the sleeve... tasty and enough enough to serve yourself a small portion as the recipe only caters to 2 serves... it made a great amount for the 3 of us at home (with the rice for them).

Why fitting boots is special, Sumo Salad love and a few progress shots...

Well, my plateau seems to be finishing... I've started to lose again. I've now reached into 75kg territory, which is pleasing, though not that exciting at this point in time. If I could make it to 70kg, I think I will be happy, but as I said previously, I'm not too worried how long that takes.

Yesterday I went shopping, mostly for groceries but I went and had a look elsewhere too since my daughter wasn't with me and I was free to look around without anyone complaining. I was delighted to find I easily fit into the stuff at some of the cheap fashion stores probably aimed at poor teenagers. I suspect I'll never properly fit into their non-stretch shirts though, because they seem to expect you are no bigger than B-cup if shopping there, but I was happy all the same. It means I can easily pick up cheap staples if I need to... shopping cheaply when you're plus-sized is almost impossible, so finding a skirt under $30 was a new experience!

I also passed by Target's shoe section, and for some reason, decided to give the Winter boots a try. Now, some bigger women have smaller limbs and have always been able to fit into these types of boot, but I have what my mother loving refers to as "shapely legs." I will never be thin-limbed, and so far, boots have been strictly off-limits to me, unless I wanted to pay upwards of $200 and have "wide-fitting" boots designed for bigger women sent from overseas. Buying a pair of $70 from Target or similar has only ever been an option if I wanted those ankle-height "booties," which I personally find hideous.

Actually, I don't even like full calf length boots appealing anymore either, but at some point in time I did want a pair, and was so aggrevated that I was simply too fat for them. Now, for the first time since I was probably about 15 (because that was roughly when I would have gained an interest in them), I can fit into them! These weren't even the types that were wider because they were meant to be worn baggy... these were the slim-fitting boots, and I tried on several pairs just to confirm it wasn't a fluke. I am now small enough to fit into boots and I am thrilled. As I said, I have no real interest in boots anymore, but I think I might just buy a pair because I finally CAN.

To those who have never been too fat for boots, you probably think, "so what?" as my partner did when I told him (actually, he looked at me and asked, with a raised eyebrow, "What the hell do you want boots?"). Skinny people just do not understand what finally being able to fit into boots means, but I'm sure some reading might... and it feel so good to finally have boots as an option, if I ever so wish to wear a pair.

So, thank you sleeve... for allowing me to finally fit into boots. lol.

I've also realised just how freakishly large my boobs seem to be now. "You lose it from the boobs first," seems to be what everyone says. Everyone else also seems to notice that this is indeed a true statement when talking about their own weight loss. Except me.

Walking in a tight-fitting top past reflective store windows today, I looked at them, then looked at my partner and commented how they hadn't really done much shrinking compared to the rest of me and are starting to look a bit too big for my liking. I've always enjoyed having large breasts - I do appreciate the compliments and attention they recieve from time-to-time (depending on the moment - if I'm with my daughter, for instance, I'd rather be invisible than have men stare at and talk to my breasts rather than my face), and I also love the fact that big boobs make your waist look even smaller... I suspect if I had little boobs, I would look (at least to myself) much fatter than I feel I currently do.

Anyway, now they're just getting a bit extreme. I was an E cup pre-op. Now I am too big for an E-cup, but have no idea wtf size I am meant to be because I haven't gone in search of the types of bra shops that sell cup sizes bigger than that. Instead, I am simply wearing an E-cup with a back size too big for me, so that I can actually somewhat fit into something until I can bother going elsewhere for bigger sizes. So, for those stressing that if you lose lots you will also lose your boobs - you may not. You may, in fact, find that your boobs do not shrink much at all compared to the rest of you and start thinking you look like a bit of a freak, as I did today.

I've switched from my resistance band and 1kg weights to 2kg weights... I am hoping this helps with some of my upper arm toning, but not getting my hopes up. They seem to really resist doing anything other than being fat and hideous at this point in time. *sigh*

In the food department, I've started having egg on toast for breakfast, and it's been feeling really good. I only manage half a piece of toast (therefore half an egg too) at a time, but have found I feel much fuller than I do when I just consume my Up n Go Energize (I really hate breakfast... so this has been all I've done until now), so am planning to keep the egg and toast thing up. I also saw in Coles today that there's a breakfast cereal with "PROTEIN" written across it. It's made by Goodness Superfoods and is called "Protein 1st." Packing looks like this...

It appears to be pretty much like a muesli, but is fairly high in protein too. 45g of the cereal in 1/2 cup of skim milk is 13.4g protein (and about 212 calories). That's more than my egg on toast, so I might give this a go. That said, I have no idea how much of this cereal you have to eat to get 45g in... so I suspect a sleever's intake would probably be less. Still, for those who enjoy cereals but hate they offer no real protein, this might be a good option to try, especially if you like muesli.

Another thing I have to spruik is Sumo Salad. I am just in love with their delicious salad range, and cannot recommend them enough for a sleever. I get the small size, and so far I tend to have only 3... the Chicken and Mushroom, the Grilled Chicken Low GI and the Moroccan Lamb. There's about 20g (give or take a few g) of protein in a small size, and I make sure I eat the meat (and cheese and beans and nuts or whatever if they have them) first, before feasting on the rest... but if I have time to eat slowly, I can manage a decent amount considering. Def a good take-away choice... I honestly suck at making my own salads compared to these guys... despite my efforts.

Decided I might pop in some progress shots too... so here's me... 75kg, taken today.

Not dressed the best, but meh... I only left home to go to Coles and buy my daughter some breakfast cereal, so not too fussed on that.

I'm also quite happy that I've now got a good weight circumference and am no longer in that "danger zone" area of above 80cm. I'm surprised that some women that are smaller than me in weight still have bigger waist circumferences... I always assumed that generally, if you were a healthy BMI you'd have a healthy waist circumference, but apparently not. Anyway, I'm now 78cm around, so only JUST healthy, but that means I'm less at risk for heart attack and similar, so I'm happy enough with that for now. I suspect it might continue to shrink, albeit slowly, over time.

And there's my boring update... please, if you have a WLS blog, link me! I love following blogs and would really appreciate adding more to my collection! 



Keeping the sleeve to yourself or not... and why I'm okay with not losing another kg for another year...

I think the time has come where my body has decided it's not particularly interested in losing anymore weight... so now, I'm going to have to work really hard for it.

At this point in time, I'm doing Zumba 3 times a week, and do weights/use a resistance band 4-5 times a week... but I might have to up that a little bit, and make sure to not overindulge in sugar - I get most of my sugar from drinks, as plain water feels quite heavy and uncomfortable in my tummy most days, and so I have cordial or juice or something instead. Previously, I had a lot of coke, and now I can't handle the fizz... so I've replaced it with juice or iced teas or whatever... all too full of sugar. I may have to go get myself some diet cordial now though if I want to see these kilos shift. (And if you're looking for a good diet cordial, it's expensive, but Tony Ferguson do a lovely powdered diet cordial. It doesn't have that artificial sweetner taste and has some yummy flavours).

I'm also not too bothered about my weight at the moment. I'm sitting at 76kg. No more, no less. While I'd LOVE to see those scales say 75 (even if it was 75.9! lol), I figure I'm at an acceptable weight now. I'm still overweight - jeez, I'm only JUST out of the obese category according to BMI... but I feel that if people were describing me, "fat" wouldn't be the instant go-to. In fact, I think people wouldn't even really call me that anymore and perhaps just call me "chubby." Previously, I think my most defining factor was how big I was... people would use that if they were trying to describe me I'm sure... "Oh, you know... that FAT GIRL/LARGE GIRL/BIG GIRL etc... with the dark hair..." or something. But my size coming first, because it made me stand out from others. Now, I actually think that some other things might be just as descriptive... maybe "that girl with the big boobs," or "the one who wears retro dresses," or "that girl with the dark hair and fringe." I think they'd all be used over my size, because my size has kind of become less noticable. I'm not skinny, not even "average," but I'm close enough to average for it not to be so obvious. That, of course, makes me happy.

Also, my blood pressure is normal. I'm no longer a heart-attack waiting to happen, and so for that, I have no reason to make sure I continue to lose. I want to lose more, sure, but it's not a big deal if I don't, or if I take a long time to lose more weight. My size is no longer something I think people would mock me about, and my health has improved... so weight loss is no longer as essential as it previously was. Just moving around is easier... though I have found I still expect myself to take up more room than I currently do, and also find that sometimes I'll sit in positions made uncomfortable because there's less padding. lol.

Perhaps the thing that's hardest though, is socialising with new people when food and drink is involved. People think I'm being modest and ladylike in my small portions and encourage me to eat up. If I say I'm sick, they stay away from me and wonder why I've come and risk infecting everyone else... if I say I've had a big lunch they seem to look at me skeptically... if I say anything, to be honest, the answer doesn't seem acceptable. It's also really hard to explain why you're not accepting their offers of coke, lemonade, etc. They'll offer me coffee etc too, but I don't drink that... and while I would drink coke, I find it pretty impossible to get down, especially while it's still cold... it just doesn't seem worth it. Or I do accept, and then just let the drink sit there, while they encourage me to drink up before it gets warm. People pay so much attention to what you're consuming, I wonder why.

I know I do it though. I think if I noticed someone wasn't eating, I'd wonder why. Going by the way my brain automatically finds negatives in things, I'd probably assume it was something to do with my cooking... but even so, most people seem to pay attention to what others eat, and it can be really hard as a sleever to explain your way out of these situations. A once-off BBQ is easy enough. They might not believe your reasons, but they don't actually care too much... so it's not a big deal. Once you have meals with them regularly though, they're going to notice and they're going to completely ignore your pathetic reasons as to why, and start coming up with their own answers. It's in these situations that I just tell people. I'd rather them judge me for what I've done (had the sleeve) than judge me for some reason that's not even true (perhaps they notice my lack of eating and my weight loss, and assume it must be due to anorexia).

People also get preachy. They learn you've lost weight. "Wow, 31kg huh? In how long...?" and then start adding it up and depending on how much you've lost in what space of time, they assume you've done so in an unhealthy way. This happened recently at school... a fellow student waxing my inner thighs commented that I'd lost 30kg (explaining how saggy they were, I assume... lol. I wasn't offended... she was trying to diplomatically ask how to deal with waxing an area that was so soft and jiggly...). The instructor asked how long it took, and then started calculating that in her mind... she then said... "well, they normally say it's healthy to lose about 500g a week..." (Beauty Therapists do a unit on nutrition) and I could tell she was trying to suggest I had perhaps gone about it the wrong way, without even knowing how I'd done it. I just said, "I had surgery." I didn't really want to let it out, but I could see her about to lecture me about healthy ways to lose weight, and I just wasn't interested.

So, sometimes, lol, it's actually easier to let people know. It shuts them up, and makes them more understanding. Of course, many will judge you too. To your face they'll be all, "Wow, that's interesting," but later on will bitch about how you took the easy way out, cheated, etc. I guess that's something you have to deal with as a sleever though, and in some ways, it's not too hard to deal with as people judge you as a fat person too... it's okay, for example, for a size 8 girl to binge on McDonalds... but the moment you, a fat person, do it, you deserve mockery and disgust. It's also a lot easier to cop criticism when you've had the sleeve, because it works. People can comment all they want, but the fact is, you'll lose weight and become healthier... so their comments don't hurt as much as when you're binging on fatty foods and they're criticising... because in that case, they're saying something you already know on the inside (that binging is a bad idea).

Another reason I don't like to keep this info to myself is because I hope that people will perhaps consider the surgery for themselves, or be better educated about the surgery if someone in their lives has it, or perhaps stop thinking about the lapband and think about the sleeve instead. I want people to be aware of this surgery as an option. So many people could benefit from this life-changing surgery, and so I've decided that, in a way, it's kind of my duty to not keep hush-hush about it. If someone asks me how I lost weight, I will USUALLY tell them... I will DEFINITELY tell them if they have weight issues themselves. I'm not going to pretend I somehow found the inner strength to fight all my demons and lose weight on my own because that's a crock. I didn't. I want to say, "Hey, I did this... and as you can see, it's worked wonders for me..." and perhaps they might think, "Oh... well, it might be something to consider for myself then..."

I've recieved the eMails and such from people who've followed this blog, my youtube channel or just seen me on forums mentioning my surgery... who've got plenty of questions to ask or thank me for helping them to choose the sleeve for themselves, etc. It's really worth it... to know that you've helped others. Because of others generous enough to share their journey, I came to this decision for myself and made the best decision I've ever made by having the gastric sleeve. It's why I don't want to keep quiet about it. I'm not saying that you're a bad person if you do - self-preservation is very important - it's just how I feel about this. Others sharing helped me, so I feel like maybe I should share in order to perhaps help others.

I suppose it's up to you whether or not you tell people, I just wanted to talk about my experiences. Yes, people will be jerks. People are jerks about this blog sometimes as I mentioned in the previous entry... but most people won't be jerks to your face about it. They'll make snide comments when you're not around, so you'll only know if you overhear or someone repeats it back to you later. Criticism also hurts far less when you're actually seeing the payoff from your decision - I'm losing, my BP is normal... therefore their words sting far less because I have the proof that this was a fantastic decision.

This has been quite a boring entry, I know. lol. It's hard to talk about the sleeve this far out though, when life is somewhat back to normal. It's mostly normal, though as I said above, social situations involving food can become a bit difficult to manage at times...