Hospital Crapfest, Angry Anti-Sleeve Article and More Progress Shots (in Undies! lol)

It's been a slow week... but as usual, "eat more, lose more," seems to be something I need to remember. I ate more on Friday/Saturday when I stayed at the children's hospital with my daughter (she got her tonsils/adenoids out - poor thing is a bit miserable at the moment), but it was the wrong kind of more. I carried two tins of tuna with me, but after eating the first, I realised how stinky I'd made the place, so left the other tin alone. It then meant I had to rely upon the food I could purchase at the children's hospital, or at the foodcourt at the women's hospital if I was willing to walk the distance. My options were heavily limited - it seemed I could choose from deep-fried garbage, packets of chips, gigantic muffins (cake) or sandwiches. Drinks were pretty much coke, coffee or water, with juice and iced tea thrown in if I was lucky. I mostly had iced-tea, sandwiches and a packet of chips while I was there. The women's hospital offered a Subway, but I'm not keen to give that a go just yet, and it's really just an overpriced, very bready sandwich anyway... I'd rather get a regular sandwich in that case.

Anyway, it still meant a loss. I was expecting to gain a little, with all those carbs... but nope. I've lost about 500g while I stayed in the hospital. I'm happy enough with that, and also pleased that it probably means me eating a sandwich is not a big deal. The sandwiches I had (I had about 2 full sandwiches over 24 hours, plus a small bag of chips and a tin of tuna) were cheese and tomato, and then ham, tomato and lettuce. The cheese was making me feel a little ill, so I specifically chose a cheese-free option 2nd time round. I've found that dairy, in general, can bother me a little lately. Not so much in the tummy, just... in the throat? I end up feeling rather mucousy and I'm just not a fan. Still, it depends on the type and the time. Some days I'm fine with cheese. Cheese slices are the worst though.

Beside the whole dairy thing, I think the point here is to eat more. If I eat more, I lose more. I can eat about 1/2 a sandwich in a sitting, so I might try that from now on if I'm feeling like I can't get much in, since it doesn't seem to stop weight loss. That's where I'm having issues, because it seems like such a pain to prepare something I can eat... I can't eat much, so cooking seems like a waste of time, and some things just don't go down as comfortably as others... so I've got to find things I can eat easily, without cooking... that go down well... and that I can make in little portions to grab whenever I feel like eating, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time or food.

Oh, my weight - it's 87.4kg this morning. It stalled for a while, and only started when I went into hte hospital on Friday. 200g short of a 20kg loss overall!

Apart from all of that, I was annoyed to see a rather anti-sleeve article on a news website: Click here to read the story.

It appears to be mostly suggesting that the sleeve is incredibly dangerous, a bad idea, and that gastric banding is an excellent option for people needing WLS. My problem with this is that it fails to mention those bandits who have had lots of trouble with their band. There are MANY MANY out there - it's why I chose the sleeve over the band. Those with the sleeve have mostly been impressed with it... whereas if you google the lap-band, there are numerous complaints. Even those with adequate weight loss complain that they find the whole experience miserable.

It also fails to mention the fact that while reversibility is a positive for some people, it can mean that weight is so easily regained again, and all that time and effort wasted. If I had a band and had it removed - I no longer feel full from eating tiny amounts and thus eat as per usual, and probably regain again. It's a problem a lot of bandits face. Not to mention issues with slipping, or needing it to be adjusted all the damn time.

Now I'm not condemning the band, but it seems unfair to advertise it as a hero of a product, while the sleeve is an evil procedure that will quite possibly end in severe complications. Fact is, the sleeve hasn't been around long enough to tell what the long-term issues may be, but so far, the risks of a sleeve seem to be leaking - something that can lead to death, yes, and would be horrible to go through - but it's not at all as common as is made out in the article.

I posted a comment on there too - you can probably figure out which one I am if you go have a read, but I'm happy to see some other sleevers attempting to clear up some misinformation. Some people are disappointing though - saying they're losing weight "the hard way," as if life with a sleeve is as easy as pie. Others saying things that suggest they're not actually sure what the sleeve is even about - perhaps they're thinking of other WLS methods when constructing their responses, or perhaps they just know nothing about WLS and are just taking uneducated guesses.

Regardless, I'm annoyed that there's an anti-sleeve article on a major news website. Apart from the fact that I'm not sure what the point of the article is, other than to point out the sleeve exists (so what?), we sleevers do not need this kind of negativity aimed at us or the procedure we've chosen to have. For many of us, the choice to remove the majority of our stomachs was not an easy one, but it's something we've chosen as we cannot trust ourselves to lose (and then maintain - because I've found losing a lot easier than maintaining in the past!) the weight completely on our own, using our own shonky will-power... and so when the options seem to be a life of eternal obesity or WLS, it seems to make sense to choose the WLS.

Both come with their risks... with the sleeve there was a small risk of death during the procedure, or of a leak afterwards that could end in death (rarely). With obesity, there was a risk of a number of health problems, all of which I felt were more likely a REAL risk than the risk of surgery. Given that my blood pressure has dropped, and I'm no longer a heart attack waiting to happen at 25, I think I've made the right choice. The sleeve VS early, obesity-related death - when you think about it that way, it seems clear why I've made this decision.

They also discuss risks - but there are benefits to the surgery too, as there is with most forms of weight loss. The BENEFIT of this surgery, for me thus far, has been my self-confidence growing. I am not nearly as paranoid and insecure as I was prior to surgery. I'll also take this as an opportunity to say that I have no had any medication for over a month now. Previously, I was on anti-depressants for depression and very severe anxiety, which seemed to be closely related to my body image. I simply do not NEED my medication right now. Previous attempts to wean have failed with me returning to my highly anxious, stressed-out, emotional state... but I am like a normal person again. It's very freeing.

My feet hurt a lot less too. I can walk for lengthy periods without feeling that my feet are about to fall off. My blood pressure has dropped. My food intake is probably a lot healthier than previously too - I have had some crap, but in all honesty, it doesn't taste nearly as good as it used to, and is thus not a temptation anymore. I'd rather have half a sandwich or a single sushi roll if in a foodcourt, than a large Maccas meal, for example. I've tasted McDonalds since my op, and it's just not tasty, nor does it feel nice going down. For that reason, I avoid it. Prior to my surgery, I had LOTS of coke. I'd easily go through 2L in 2 days (or less). I now have none. Okay, I had about 1/4 cup over 2 hours a few weeks ago to give it a go. That's it.

In January I'll have a full set of bloods done too - so let's see if it's had any impact on my cholesterol, which was an issue prior to the surgery.

See, I don't think that the sleeve needs to be glamourised and advertised, but I don't think it needs to be made out to be some horribly irresponsible, extremely dangerous thing to do either. I think a bit of fair, fact-based journalism isn't too much to ask for. Reading that poorly-written, short article made me think that the newspaper it was written for should hire me instead - I could provide them with something of more substance and factual information than that load of fluffy nonsense.

Perhaps places like that should link to me. Only I'm private. Whatever. I might go unprivate again. I think I'm mentally able to cop a bit of crap now than I was previously... and maybe someone will come across the blog and see what it's REALLY like living with a sleeve...

... I just decided to add some progress shots. This is after I published the previous already... so I've editted to bring you these...

Just a warning that I'm wearing undies. Why? Well, I don't have clothes tight enough to show my weight loss anymore. That skirt that I've been wearing in all my progress pics is being worn on my hips, and is loose even there... and the tops are baggy around the middle (not the boobs... lol). Please also be warned that my undies are not special and do not match. I just stripped off so these are the undies I'm wearing today - hence them not being sexy or exciting. If I had planned better, I'd be wearing nicer undies and a pair that matched... lol.

Anyway...

I'm holding my arm funny in the side-on shot because otherwise you can't see my back (as where my arm naturally hangs covers some of my back up)...

So you can see I'm not skinny by any means, but if you go pages and pages back, you'll see other shots of me in underwear, and even my "before" shots clothed, and hopefully can notice some small difference. I think there's a difference there anyway. I've still got a bum and boobs, my thighs are still fleshy and my belly is still ugly and jiggly and covered in stretchmarks, but I'm much happier with it all regardless.

Apologies for neglecting my blog...

Firstly, I'm sorry for neglecting my blog... I haven't lost that much weight recently so progress pics and info seemed rather pointless... plus I've switched computers so this one has none of my stuff on it (I'll be transfering it soon, but it's just not done yet).
Secondly... I'm now 87.9kg. So losing, but losing more slowly than previously. I think it's natural now that I've started back onto regular foods... I'm also not nearly as pedantic about carbs as I should be, but I'm figuring that I'm eating jack all anyway, I don't care if some of it is less-than-fantastic. Mostly, that's drinks. I limit carbs elsewhere, but I drink juice and full-sugar cordial. I am sick of the diet stuff... and I like juice. So I'm drinking it. I've given up most junk foods (sushi is about all I can manage tbh), so I see it as reasonable enough. For now, anyway.

Food is annoying me lately... I'm finding it really hard to get much in and it's just giving me the shit. Seriously, I knew that I'd be eating only small amounts, but sometimes it's just ridiculous. Like ONE SINGLE BITE of something and I'm stuffed. I expected toddler-sized portions... not ONE SINGLE BITE portions. It's only lately though... so I'm trying not to get too shirty about it. I'm also thinking I'm just not eating enough in general... so perhaps I need to start aiming for a little more. Yesterday my food intake consisted of half a 1-egg omelette and ONE BITE (yes, I know, I just have to emphasise how crazy that is!) of lasagne (homemade - and I avoided the pasta, so at mostly meat). Eating half an egg, and 1 bite of mostly meat in tomato sauce is annoying. So here you go potential sleevers - this could be your downside. I know other sleevers who have been through this and come out the other side, happy again, so I'm just waiting until it's mine turn to either eat more or simply not care anymore.

I really need more foods to eat during the day in the house too. I've decided LOW FAT cheese (with some cruskits/crackers/etc for crunch), LOW FAT yoghurt and some tins of tuna are probably good protein options. They also come in good portion sizes - and some brands of yoghurt offer small tubs with proper lids so I can have half and go back for more later if need be. That's where my downfall is... I have issues finding small portions for myself during the day, so I just don't eat... and then I think my body goes, "WTF?!" and clings to every ounce of fat/sugar/etc it consumes to make sure I don't die. So I really need to sort my shit out and eat more. Who'd have thought that eating more would ever be an issue for me? I find it really strange, and totally sympathise with those who want to gain weight but cannot seem to eat enough to do it.

SIL and her little family still don't know about my surgery. MIL is calling it "a diet," and while I don't know if SIL has NOTICED my weight loss (it's nearly 20kg gone so I kinda hope she has noticed some small change!), I know she knows I've lost weight as MIL's mother (so DP's grandmother) asked how much I've lost now (she believes I'm on a diet too - I have no issues if she found out about my surgery, but MIL thinks she might let slip to SIL...) and I answered right in front of SIL, who was paying attention... so she does know I've lost a fair bit. She said NOTHING though when this was mentioned... which bothered me a little.

She actually told me I should have my tonsils out to lose weight! We had been discussing tonsils being removed as my daughter will have hers out this Friday (adenoids as well), and both of SILs kids have had it done already. Apparently her little boy refused to eat afterwards and lost 3kg in a week or so. I found a little bit insulting that she decided to tell me I should get it done to lose weight - it made me feel like not only did she think I was fat and in desperate need to lose weight, but also perhaps that my loss to date has not made a difference to my appearance in her eyes, and that an extra 3kg is needed.

Okay, so maybe it was just a light-hearted comment, but considering it was from SIL, who is a bitch, I didn't take it so well. It's not like I reacted or anything, it just got to me. I guess sometimes fat people have people they want to do a big "screw you!" to when they lose weight... to show up those people who treat them like crap, in part because of their weight. SIL is one of those people for me... so it does bother me when she fails to notice or acknowledge there's a difference, especially when she's told I've lost X amount. Usually, if someone said that and I was there, I'd say, "Wow! Congratulations!" Not just sit silently. She's not fat herself, nowhere near, so it's not as if she's the jealous fellow fatty who doesn't say anything because she's feeling bad it's not her who's lost the weight! She has no excuse. Other than being a generally nasty person.

I'll be having my driving test soon too... and then hopefully my car will come soon after. I need it before Feb anyway as that's when I start my course.

The 80s, Progress Pics and Christmas Dinner...

Before I begin, I am very happy to announce that I am NOW IN THE 80s! 89.7kg now, which is 17.5kg in weight lost! I'm very happy indeed.

Also, some update photos...

So that's my week 9 post-op photos! I think I'm smaller still in these photos, and a bit curvier too. I'm going to have to stop wearing these clothes for progress pics though - the shirt is too baggy, and I have to pull it tight to show my body, and the skirt, a waist-skirt, is being worn low on my hips. It's the only way it fits.

People have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and it's really weird. They always comment, then ask how I did it. It's here in the conversation that I'm stuck... because I'd feel wrong to lie and give them false hope that amazing new diet has worked wonders on me... but then when I confess the truth (that I had surgery), they sort of respond with this unimpressed, "oh," and it's as if any compliments they just gave me are taken back because I didn't "work" for it like they thought I had.

It's uncomfortable, as I do think there is work involved, it's just different to the kind you'd do if you were losing weight without surgery. I find it's far more mental this way, not being able to eat much at all. It's like chucking a smoker on an island without cigarettes. They're FORCED to quit, but it's still not easy. They still go through all the difficulties of giving up. It's like that with the sleeve - you're FORCED to eat less, but it's still a real struggle at times. There are moments when I just want to binge, or just want to eat something that I simply cannot stomach well. I can either attempt it, feel incredibly ill, and then throw up... or just sit there feeling strange because I can't do what I'd normally do in a diet - and just say, "Stuff it," and eat whatever I want for that moment anyway.

It's also hard to physically eat. Some things just do not go down well. I also have to eat SLOWLY... and that's really hard. It sounds so easy, but I'm so used to just eating without thinking, that I have to actively think about every bite I put in my mouth, chew it up really well... then swallow and wait a while until my next bite. It's that, or discomfort and perhaps vomiting. Same with drinking - I cannot drink during a meal, and I find that really hard. I ALWAYS have a drink on me, and sometimes food seems to get a bit stuck... and usually, that's when I'd grab a glass and have a drink to push it down. That doesn't work now though - instead, that leads to discomfort, drooling up metallic saliva, and then throwing up.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the sleeve is HARDER than losing weight without surgery. Obviously, I don't think that because I failed to lose weight until now... so for me, surgery is working wonders. I guess it's the fact that I'm FORCED to do things that makes it hard. I have no option but to continue on with eating this way. There is no choice... and that makes it hard. I guess it's difficult to understand unless you've been there really.

In other news, I've been trying to figure out just what I'm going to serve up for Christmas. I want to enjoy my food on Christmas Day, but I've also got to consider the fact that I simply cannot eat that much. I keep wondering if I should make a whole bunch of bite-sized things... that way I can eat a little of each thing over the entire day, but others can just eat as much as they need. A sit down roast seems unappealing as I know I'd probably have a small bit of roast meat, and that's about all. I'd rather have a bit more than JUST that... meat is getting incredibly tedious.

I'm also finding that I now have a desire to snack. Just a little. Right now I have some olives, some bell peppers stuffed with cheese and some pistachios to snack on. The olives and peppers don't offer much protein, but they go down well and offer me some flavour... and I figure they're better than seeking something high in carbs. It sucks that tuna doesn't go down well for me, because that'd be a really good way to up my protein. The pistachios will do for now though I suppose.

Anyway, this is kinda all over the place... but it's just bits and pieces that I've been thinking about mentioning over the week... hopefully it holds some value to someone out there.

Some more meals...

Wanted to share some more meals so you can get an idea of portion-sizes. It really depends on what the foods are, because it seems that I can eat more of some things than of others. Regardless, here's 2 recent meals...

Spaghetti with chicken, peas, baby spinach and mushrooms in a creamy sauce...

Before

After

Tonight I had Ratatouille with Canellini Beans, and then a small portion of salmon as well (cos the salmon needed to be used up - they're not exactly a natural combination... lol).

Before

After.

So I ate all the salmon... and pretty much no ratatouille. Disappointing because it tasted lovely, I just can't fit anymore in. Will definitely freeze the leftovers though so I can have it in the days to come. Would probably be a good side-dish to some protein when I'm feeling lazy.

So this is what I can eat at 9 weeks post-op. Not much, but you can see it's pretty much normal food.