Also, some update photos...
So that's my week 9 post-op photos! I think I'm smaller still in these photos, and a bit curvier too. I'm going to have to stop wearing these clothes for progress pics though - the shirt is too baggy, and I have to pull it tight to show my body, and the skirt, a waist-skirt, is being worn low on my hips. It's the only way it fits.
People have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and it's really weird. They always comment, then ask how I did it. It's here in the conversation that I'm stuck... because I'd feel wrong to lie and give them false hope that amazing new diet has worked wonders on me... but then when I confess the truth (that I had surgery), they sort of respond with this unimpressed, "oh," and it's as if any compliments they just gave me are taken back because I didn't "work" for it like they thought I had.
It's uncomfortable, as I do think there is work involved, it's just different to the kind you'd do if you were losing weight without surgery. I find it's far more mental this way, not being able to eat much at all. It's like chucking a smoker on an island without cigarettes. They're FORCED to quit, but it's still not easy. They still go through all the difficulties of giving up. It's like that with the sleeve - you're FORCED to eat less, but it's still a real struggle at times. There are moments when I just want to binge, or just want to eat something that I simply cannot stomach well. I can either attempt it, feel incredibly ill, and then throw up... or just sit there feeling strange because I can't do what I'd normally do in a diet - and just say, "Stuff it," and eat whatever I want for that moment anyway.
It's also hard to physically eat. Some things just do not go down well. I also have to eat SLOWLY... and that's really hard. It sounds so easy, but I'm so used to just eating without thinking, that I have to actively think about every bite I put in my mouth, chew it up really well... then swallow and wait a while until my next bite. It's that, or discomfort and perhaps vomiting. Same with drinking - I cannot drink during a meal, and I find that really hard. I ALWAYS have a drink on me, and sometimes food seems to get a bit stuck... and usually, that's when I'd grab a glass and have a drink to push it down. That doesn't work now though - instead, that leads to discomfort, drooling up metallic saliva, and then throwing up.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the sleeve is HARDER than losing weight without surgery. Obviously, I don't think that because I failed to lose weight until now... so for me, surgery is working wonders. I guess it's the fact that I'm FORCED to do things that makes it hard. I have no option but to continue on with eating this way. There is no choice... and that makes it hard. I guess it's difficult to understand unless you've been there really.
In other news, I've been trying to figure out just what I'm going to serve up for Christmas. I want to enjoy my food on Christmas Day, but I've also got to consider the fact that I simply cannot eat that much. I keep wondering if I should make a whole bunch of bite-sized things... that way I can eat a little of each thing over the entire day, but others can just eat as much as they need. A sit down roast seems unappealing as I know I'd probably have a small bit of roast meat, and that's about all. I'd rather have a bit more than JUST that... meat is getting incredibly tedious.
I'm also finding that I now have a desire to snack. Just a little. Right now I have some olives, some bell peppers stuffed with cheese and some pistachios to snack on. The olives and peppers don't offer much protein, but they go down well and offer me some flavour... and I figure they're better than seeking something high in carbs. It sucks that tuna doesn't go down well for me, because that'd be a really good way to up my protein. The pistachios will do for now though I suppose.
Anyway, this is kinda all over the place... but it's just bits and pieces that I've been thinking about mentioning over the week... hopefully it holds some value to someone out there.
Just wondering how the progress is going, time for an update me thinks!
ReplyDeleteInteresting read, especially about people's reactions. I have the same dilemma. I don't like lying to people yet I don't want to deal with negativity either cause I feel its dishonest. After some thought, I've decided to just tell people I've seen a dietician and am focusing on more protein. Which really isn't a lie if you think about it lol.
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