Facing up to the Fat

Last night... ah. last night I had to deal with a bunch of shit from a bunch of idiots who think they know me... but don't.

On a forum, I decided to post a small vent about those who are against me having surgery, suggesting I'm "too skinny," (never ever been called that before! lol) and could lose weight if I tried harder... and saying, "If you just diet and exercise..." as if them saying that to me would be some amazing lightbulb moment because I'd never actually considered that before. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, I'd mentioned WLS on that forum before, and people had been very, "I wouldn't judge," blah blah so I figured I was safe to vent there. They can be bitches over there, but like I said, I felt safe with that issue.

HOW WRONG I WAS!

It's basically 14 pages of people telling me why I shouldn't have surgery, why I shouldn't have surgery, and ways I can lose weight without surgery. Keep in mind I never asked for advice or opinions... I was just venting.

So anyway, that irritated the bejesus out of me, but if nothing else, it's made me more determined to do for myself what I need to do... and what I need to do is have this sleeve done and get on with my life without crying my eyes out all the time about how hideous and repulsive I must be.

Someone added statistics to that thread though, which have made me even more certain that I'm doing the right thing. Apparently only 3% of people will lose weight and keep it off without surgery. THREE FREAKING PERCENT! That means there's 96% chance that you won't... and there's no way in hell I'm crazy enough to think I'd not be in that 96%. I know myself well enough to know that if I CAN fit another serving of carbonara into my body, and that my body is going, "YES! GIVE IT TO ME BABY! I'M STILL HUNGRY AS A MOFO!" then yeah, I'm going to go eat that pasta.

Now this has little to do with what I'm going on about above, but I have THIRTY FIVE VIEWS on this blog when last I looked (right before I started to type this up). Wow. I didn't think I'd get many views - mainly the other WLS girls (either band or sleeve) I talk to... because to everyone else, this is obviously kind of boring, right?

Well, if you are reading this - leave me a comment! I'd love to know who's actually reading this. I think I set it so you can post anonymously, so you don't even have to let me know who you are exactly... but I dunno, I'm keen to know what type of people are reading this... and what they think. So comment me if you're reading... pretty please.

Another thing I have to add is that my partner (DP), saw the photos I added to my first post. Plus a few more that I didn't end up adding. I would have never showed him them willingly, but once he caught on that I was okay to show the world, and yet not him, he got a little sulky, and I understood why... so showed him. He didn't say anything except laugh at the expression on my face in one of them (I didn't post that one, but I was singing Happy Birthday, so my face looked kinda stupid). I asked him if I look like that now... because honestly, I cannot tell.

Thing is, I know how to pose for a photo to look my best. I know the angles I need. I know how to stand in a posed photo so I look better, and I know how to dress myself (most of the time) to disguise my actual size.

So while the online world sees me like this:

It's all just smoke and mirrors!

I don't want people to see the real me. That would be to face up to the fact that I am, for the most part, pretty damn fat and ugly. Make-up works wonders. Good clothes work wonders. But so does the angle at which I take photos, how I hold my head (stick head OUT to lessen chins, for example)... etc etc etc.

If you popped in to my place right now, you'd be greeted with...

Rather than the:

That I post on Facebook and similar.

Well, I guess it's a good thing to post these gross-but-real photos somewhere. No make-up to hide me. No posing to disguise me. Just me... sitting here in front of the computer with feral hair and looking gross. That's me though - that's what you'd get if you rocked up right now. Not the prettier version that my pictures elsewhere would have you believe...

So, here, I want to be completely honest. It's not the other photos are FAKE, they're just taken in a way to make me look less horrible... but I want to stop that for this blog. I mean, there may end up being photos with me in make-up and nice clothes... but I'm not going to pose or angle the camera in such a way to make myself look better than I actually do.

It's time to be honest. I guess that way, it'll also look more awesome when I manage to lose a lot of weight... lol.

Til next time...