"Just eat healthy, and exercise!"

What fat person HASN'T heard this before? Jeez, I think even people who are a whole 1kg overweight and looking to lose that tiny 1kg get this line the moment they mention their plans for weightloss. I mean, apart from the million-and-one diets that people seem to think is THE key to weightloss.

So why doesn't it work?

Well... because it's a bit more complicated than that. I'm not fat just because I never realised that if I just ate healthier meals and exercised more then I could keep the weight off... fat people are complete idiots and most of us know that healthy meals and quality exercise is better for us, and our waistlines, than lazing around watching Cheers re-runs and eating nachos.

One thing I've found particularly difficult with this "eat well and exercise," stuff is that exercising is bloody uncomfortable and difficult when you're fat. I think it's easier for a smaller person, because even if they're unfit, their body isn't struggling with excess weight to drag around as well. I think skinny people forget that whilst their skinny bodies can manage an uphill run, mine finds it a lot more difficult because I've got a lot more weight to lug around. It's like them running uphill with a bag full of stones. It just makes it tougher.

I also find that when you're fat, it's just more uncomfortable to exercise. Chaffing is a bitch, and it's one that seems to show up when you have more skin to rub against each other. Too much sweating and movement = skin rubbing off my inner thighs and causing me pain. That's what exercise can do to a fat person. My bum also likes to swallow bike seats - so while my LEGS can manage to pedal for longer than I actually do pedal for, I have to give up early because my bum is just ACHING like hell!

Also, you know when your boobs bounce around and it hurts? Well, apart from the fact that this fat girl has big boobs that aren't easily contained by sports bras, I also have other bits that like to bounce around when I exercise. My stomach, for example. The excess fat on there, combined with the loose skin overhang as a result of my caesarean/pregnancy, bounces around too... and it's like a double-winding when I move too quick. My arms also wobble and so do my thighs and bum. If I jump, they jump too... and pull me back to the earth so heavily, it hurts. It's like a need sports bras for all those extra flabby body parts... only they don't exist.

So, how about swimming you say? That's low impact. Sure. It is. It also requires a swimsuit - something which a lot of fat people have difficulty coming to terms with. It's bad enough that, as a fat person, being in public means that sometimes I'm going to be screamed at by a bunch of idiots driving past in their cars, calling out some nasty name simply because of my size... why the hell would I want to then appear in public in unforgiving skin-tight lyrca? You also have to manage to find a bathing suit to FIT you... and while I know they offer lots of them in larger sizes, my boobs also need to be catered to... and rarely can I find anything that will cover them properly.

And the fact is, some people just LIKE exercise. Some people love running around slapping balls with their racket, or swimming laps in a pool, or going for a run at 5am each day. For some people, that's the idea of a relaxing time. I'm not one of those people. I hate the sun, for a start. I cannot STAND the heat. This probably has something to do with the fact I have dark hair that attracts the sun, the fact my eyes are quite sensitive to bright lights, and the fact that I sweat a lot.

I don't like pain either... so having my breasts/belly/bum/thighs/arms slam down heavily with each step I take while I job is not something I really want to do willingly. Without this weight pulling me down like that, I think I could suck up the burning pain you get when you actually use your muscles... that is positive pain, and I can deal with that... but the pain that comes with simply being fat and moving... yeah, it hurts.

Like most fat people, I also don't like having people stare at me and laugh at me and tease me. Going for a run while all my bits flap and wobble... that's just begging them to snigger. I know what skinny people would tell me: "Don't worry what others think!" but sorry, I do. Easier said than done. My psych has given me some help when it comes to trying to block out others and what they may think of me... but while it has HELPED me with my anxiety, it hasn't cured it. Drugs help too, but they lessen my fears, not completely rid me of them.

As for healthy eating... well, yeah, that's not too hard. I mean, it IS hard when you have to feed the rest of your family and they whinge and complain and throw half their dinner away if it's not to their liking (I can force my daughter to eat her veges - but I can't force my adult partner to do so *sigh*). Still, I am not so hopeless that I cannot manage to simply serve myself something healthier and give my partner something more to his liking...

The thing is though, I NEVER FEEL FULL. So I can eat healthily all I want - I just eat MORE of it than I should. It doesn't matter if it's food that's good for you... if you eat too much of anything, it's going to add to your weight. So while I might eat some fruit - I'll overboard and eats LOTS of it. While I enjoy a good salad sandwich just as much as the next person, I need more than 1 to satisfy my hunger. Even 2, and I'm still hungry... but I manage to stop it there... at least for an hour, at which point I hunt down something else to eat...

And then there's emotional eating. "Oh, I'm sad... I'll go eat... even though it'll just make me sadder long-term..." etc etc. It just happens. It doesn't have to be rational. I know it's stupid to eat emotionally - but when you've reached that point, stupidity wins. You're too emotional to tell yourself to stop - or even if you do manage to tell yourself not to do it, the overwhelming urge to binge is more powerful than your pitiful cries of, "No, this will just make it worse."

And then what happens when you're busting your arse, exercising every single day, aching as a result, stopping yourself from eating as much as your body is telling you to (so you're hungry all day and think about food all day and hardly think of anything else), putting up with the sweating and sun and bouncing flab and risking public ridicule... and then nothing happens with your weight?! You're working so much... doing things you hate... and you're not losing a damn thing! Who would go through something you personally feel is torturous when you're not seeing any sort of payoff for your efforts?

Don't get me wrong - I'm going to exercise post-op. I'm going to eat well post-op too. It's just that the sleeve is going to help me with that. The sleeve will mean that when I exercise, there WILL be a payoff. The sleeve will also mean that as time goes on, I can exercise more often, not be ridiculed, be okay to get into a swimsuit, etc. It will mean that I can eat healthily yet not manage to eat TOO MUCH healthy food, because there simply won't be enough room to put anymore in.

And, of course, it'll help with how I feel about myself. I hate being fat. That's the crux of my problems - my weight. Get rid of the weight, and I can focus on whatever issues are left. Then I can focus on fixing all other aspects of my life, and getting better.