Saturday, August 13, 2011

Telling Dad, Copping the Blame (unfairly!) and Dinner with a Pretty Boy

Well... someone else knows about WLS now. My Dad. I didn't want to tell him originally - his words of weight loss wisdom always seemed to be, "Eat well and exercise," and I expected him to say similar if I told him about the surgery. Well, I only told him today because he was mentioning how we don't have much of a bond (it's true) and how he feels like he doesn't know much about my life etc... so I felt that way I was opening up a bit of a door and saying, "Look, here's something you didn't know... I am sharing."

Now, I know it's probably hard for you guys to believe, but I'm not really an open book IRL. I generally don't let people close to me know that much about me... because they're generally not that supportive. It's not that they're incredibly insensitive, at least not intentionally, but they're just so different that they can't understand where I'm coming from... and I just find it easier to not go into my whole life story with them. I smile, I nod, I add tiny tidbits, but generally I don't go too much into myself, my feelings, etc etc.

So, I did. I let him know what I was doing. He was... well, he was probably more supportive than I had thought he'd be, but still not as supportive as I'd have liked, I guess. He basically asked me if I had researched, if I knew that I could "go right back to this size," etc. Now, I don't necessarily agree with that - gain weight, sure, but not go down to a healthy weight only to get back up to the 100s. I don't think that's exactly possible or likely... but he stressed that it was, that he knew people who had done it (I think he may have gotten the sleeve confused with the band though tbh), etc... so I just left it. I said, "Yep," to get him to stop arguing, and left it alone. He said I had to do what I had to do, and that was that.

He said he'll come visit me in hospital if I remind him of the dates closer to the time... so that might be nice. Maybe. I dunno, my relationship with my father is weird. I love him, but he can be unintentionally hurtful. I mean, with my last post for example, that whole issue with my brother... well, that's why Dad called. He'd gone over to see my brother, read those messages and others (others that I no longer have stored, so I dunno wtf he was actually reading) and then questioned me about them. He pointed out that I was "in the wrong," too (by saying the c-word and also be referring to the baby as "spawn" - which I agree was nasty, and intentionally so - but IMO, it wasn't that bad COMPARED to the things he said to me both in those messages I re-posted here, or IRL/previously). Dad basically blamed us both for the issues... and that really pissed me off because as far as I can see, I did very little wrong. I bit back when my brother was a jerk, but I went out of my way before that to try and be polite and civil... so I still see myself as pretty fault-free, and having my dad blame it all on us BOTH really irritated me. He's a bit "water off a duck's back," when it comes to people being hurtful, but I'm not at all like that... I get incredibly offended, particularly when my child, my parenting or my intelligence are attacked.

Anyway, Dad now knows. Only time will tell in regards to whether or not that was a good decision.

I'm also about a week away from my pre-op diet... so today I had what I called, "My last McDonalds," and "My last sushi." lol. DP reminded me that I wasn't going to the chair - this wasn't my last meal ever - but I dunno, as a food-lover, eating tasty things for what will be the last time (at least for a very long time anyway) is a little sad... like saying goodbye to a friend... even though it's the kind of friend who destroys your life. You still have a close relationship, regardless of how toxic it is.

Speaking of last meals, I'm going to be alone for my last "normal food," day pre-op as DP will be at the mines... so I've decided to go out to dinner with a friend. I'll have to organise for someone to take care of my daughter, but I've given my friend orders to pick a good restaurant and take me out to dinner. I haven't seen him for a while, so it'll be fun. We might go out clubbing or something afterwards, I dunno. It depends if he wants to I suppose. He loves clubbing, but whether or not he wants boring me tagging along is another story I guess. He's young and free and gay and fabulous... and beautiful. He's actually a previous fatty too - now he's this gorgeous skinny thing that all the boys want. He did it naturally (so he claims), so I'm kind of in awe. From about 150kg to I'd guess about 75kg. He's just a stunner... much prettier than me, that's for sure. lol.

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